When it comes to asking a girl to be friends with benefits rather than having a serious relationship, it’s not always easy to find the right words that won’t make you seem sex-crazed or an asshole.
So, how can you ask someone if they want to be your friend with benefits? In this article, I’ll show you how to ask for what you want, the right way.
A lot more girls are interested in a friendship with benefits than you might think. It depends on the girl you’re asking, but don’t worry — not all of them are looking for an exclusive, committed relationship. So, don’t make generalizations and keep in mind that there are some ladies who are up for a friendship with benefits.
READ: How To Tell The Difference Between Love And Friendship
Honesty and respect above all
Of course, you’re going to have to be honest and respectful. There’s no use in promising a girl that you’ll be faithful and that you want a serious relationship with her if that’s not what you really want. Be honest – this way, if the two of you don’t want the same thing, you’ll avoid wasting your time and wasting hers.
Know how to tell her why you don’t want a serious relationship and avoid saying “Because I want to have fun and have sex with lots of girls!” Tell her the truth or something close to it if you’re private about your feelings or shy because of the wounds of past relationships.
Tell her straightaway that the idea is to have a good time together without taking things any further (i.e. a serious, exclusive relationship).
Also, always be respectful. There is absolutely no shame in wanting to be friends with benefits and nothing more, as long as both partners agree to it and respect each other.
Keep in mind that even if this girl isn’t the girl of your dreams, she has a heart and feelings and you shouldn’t toy with those. The goal of a friendship with benefits is to make each other feel good while maintaining respect for one another.
Never be disrespectful towards a girl just because you only want to have a relationship with her based on sex. Think of how you would feel if the girl of your dreams was completely blocked, even traumatized, by men who had disrespected her in the past.
So, be honest and respectful.
What kind of girl can I ask to be a friend with benefits?
As I said in the introduction, not all girls are opposed to a friendship with benefits. But others aren’t into it at all.
If you know that a girl you’re talking to is looking for a stable, serious relationship, you can forget about asking her to be a friend with benefits. Don’t try to change her mind; you’ll just be wasting your time and hers. Change your target and focus on girls who are open to the idea.
Don’t worry, you’ll know pretty quickly if the girl you’re talking to is looking for an exclusive relationship or if she wants to have fun just as much as you do.
Still, some girls need to be guided a little more than others. Some really want to have a friendship with benefits but don’t feel confident enough to accept this about themselves, much less ask for such a thing. It’s up to you to gently bring up the subject.
Certainly never force a girl into a friendship with benefits if she doesn’t want one. Never force a girl to do anything, for that matter. You wouldn’t want to be forced to do something you don’t want to, either.
A friendship with benefits is good if it’s based on mutual consent.
You might also be surprised to meet a girl who asks you if you want to be friends with benefits. Yes, this can happen! It’s rare, but it does exist. Some girls are completely comfortable with this idea and don’t hide it. That doesn’t make them sluts; they just accept what they want and have confidence in themselves.
It’s simple: you can ask a girl to be friends with benefits if she’s not looking for a serious relationship.
Beware of a girl who might accept a friendship with benefits with the idea of changing your mind and ending up in a relationship. In this case, even if the sex is great, I advise you to stop seeing her because she’ll get more and more attached to you and will suffer because you don’t feel the same way. This will result in a lot of drama, which is what you were trying to avoid with a friendship with benefits.
In any friends with benefits situation, from time to time you should say how much you appreciate that what you both have together is drama-free and that you’re happy she’s on the same wavelength about it. At the very least, this will keep things in check. And if she doesn’t show any signs of attachment and also seems happy that you’re friends with benefits, you know you don’t have to worry.
When should you suggest being friends with benefits?
I’d like to tell you that the ideal time for suggesting you and a girl be friends with benefits is when it feels right. It goes without saying that it would be awkward and disrespectful to bring it up without having talked a bit beforehand.
That said, there is a difference between meeting someone online, and a real, physical encounter. That’s why I’m going to discuss each situation separately.
• If you meet online:
You got matched with a girl on Tinder, Happn, Once, or another dating site or app. There’s a good vibe between you, so you exchanged numbers in order to continue the conversation by text message. From this point, there are two possible scenarios. Either your exchanges have stayed “basic” and you haven’t talked about sex at all, or you’ve already talked about sex, even said you’re attracted to each other.
In the first case, you should test if the idea of a friendship with benefits would work during your first real-life date. In the second, you already know that it’s okay, so you both only need to confirm that you’re both on board before getting things started.
• If you meet in real life:
There’s not too much of a difference here, except for the fact that everything is going to happen in “the real world”. You should try to seduce her in a way that makes your intentions clear. If she responds positively, that’s a good sign, and you’ll only need to say that you’re interested in a friendship with benefits. If she doesn’t respond positively to your advances, let it go — she’s not interested or maybe she wants something serious, so there’s no point in laboring the point.
Okay, so how do I ask a girl to be friends with benefits?
When it comes to asking a girl if she wants to be friends with benefits, there are several options. As I’ve said, you must always be honest and respectful. With this in mind, you can put your suggestion into words. Here are some phrases to give you a little help:
– “I’m going to be honest with you: I’m not looking for a serious relationship. I think you’re really attractive, but I only want to have a good time together, if you’re okay with that.”
– “I was really hurt in my last relationship and I’m not ready to have another one. But since we get along and are attracted to each other, we could have some fun together. What do you think?’
– “I want to be honest and respectful, so I won’t lie and make you think I’m looking for a serious relationship. I just want to have fun with you, without any drama or commitment. What do you think?”
So, do you see how to bring up the question? It’s especially important to ask her opinion. Don’t impose your point of view without asking how she feels about it.
And never tell a girl, “I just want a friendship with benefits.” It’s true that my examples are saying that in a polite, nice way. But that’s the point: You should always ask politely and respectfully. Being honest doesn’t mean being an oaf with no class.
The girl you’re talking to isn’t an object, and certainly not your sexual object. She’s a human being, like you, who should be treated with respect.
Remember that things will be a lot better and a lot easier once you know you both want the same thing.
Establish clear rules
A friend with benefits isn’t your girlfriend. So that means your dates are purely sexual. There’s no point in going to the movies or a restaurant, or hanging out with each other’s friends. In that case, you’d be in the “couples” category.
Nothing is keeping you from watching a movie at your place or hers, getting food delivered, or having interesting conversations and sharing a good laugh. But a friendship with benefits is still a friendship with benefits, and both of you have to be clear about that, so that neither of you starts to think it might be something more or wants to change the friendship with benefits into a relationship.
So, if one of you has to spend the night at the other’s place, try not to linger too much the next morning. Stick to your friendship with benefits agreement in order to keep things simple and drama-free.
Oh, and one very important thing: if you have other friends with benefits, you’re not obligated to tell her. That said, always use protection. Respect also means using a condom, which will keep both of you out of trouble.
If she asks if you’re sleeping with other girls, be honest. If you are, tell her, because maybe she’s getting attached to you and this can help her keep some distance. If you’re only seeing her, tell her that, as well, but be sure to specify that you’re friends with benefits and that you’re not interested in anything more.
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