Asked and answered!
This is a question that one of SBK’s readers asked me in a comment… and one I couldn’t let myself ignore! And you’ve probably noticed that I like to provide answers to big questions like this in new posts.
So, now to the question at hand: friends with benefits.
Everyone has a general idea of what this would look like: you meet a girl, you have a physical attraction, you get busy, then keep each other around to satisfy your mutual urges.
No need to worry about feelings, declarations of love, flowers, or romance… We’re talking about a fuck-buddy, a girl you can call when you get a little antsy.
1. Modern day gender relations
Women these days aren’t waiting at home with dinner on the table. They don’t need a man to take care of them – in or out of the bedroom!
So, it’s no surprise that women are more and more interested in fulfilling their sexual needs without being tied up in a relationship.
Just like us, women have needs and desires – and we can help make them a reality.
The good news is that the concept of friends-with-benefits is becoming widespread. It is more and more socially accepted, so there is less of a stigma associated with “hooking up.” The idea of “love ‘em and leave ‘em” is less present in the public imagination.
“Meet-up” sitesand speed-dating evenings make it easy for people to meet each other – and have it come to something! Last century’s idea – of a gentleman courting his belle for weeks hoping for a chance to hold her hand – is long gone!
A fuck buddy can be a stranger, but it could also be a friend that you have chemistry with. You can be un-interested in each other romantically, but still havea mutual physical and sexual attraction!
Still, even though this kind of relationship is getting more normal, it’s not something you can just start out of the blue. It’s hard to imagine a woman asking “Hey, how about we just have sex whenever we want, and ignore each other the rest of the time.”
No, this relationship has to develop naturally and in context. After a hot night together, you start calling each other to hook-up, and, before you know it, you’ve got a fuck-buddy. It could start with sleeping with one of your friends after a drunken party, or by meeting up with a girl you met online.
2. The foundation of a friends-with-benefits relationship
To have this kind of relationship with a woman, your interactions need to focus on your sexuality, on your desires, and fantasies. Keeping the sexual tension strong is the key to this type of relationship.
Don’t even think about going out to dinner or to the movies with her! You call her when you’re horny, you see each other, you fuck, and you get the hell out of there until next time. (And, no, you do not make love – if there is ever a time you can get freaky, it’s with this girl.)
A fuck-buddyis a little bit like a car rental – to need to sign a long-term contract or take care of the maintenance.
You use it when you need it and when you’re satisfied, you go home without worrying about the rest.
What you need to keep in mind is that this special friendship won’t last forever. Just enjoy it while it lasts.
In fact, you and your fuck-buddy can end your romantic rendez-vous at any time without having to justify it. Any reason is fine – finding a girlfriend, moving, or even just getting tired of each other!
3. Get it, keep it
To have any chance of finding a fuck-buddy, you’re going to have tocall on your charisma – but keep her at arms length. The more you reveal, the less there is to discover. Mystery is often the source of sexual tension in a friends-with-benefits situation.
If she’s a long-time friend, avoid at all costs talking about your personal life, feelings, or what you look for in a girlfriend. Follow her lead. Tease her, and play on the fact that she’s the one who was interested in your special relationship first.
If you’re on the prowl for a fuck-buddy, start with the female friends you can talk about sex with, or take a look at the personal ads. You’d be amazed to see how many women are looking for a man just to hook up with a couple of times a week.
I’m not going to give a lecture on “how to pick up women” here – I’ve talked about that in other posts. Keep in mind, though, that if you’re trying to meet a fuck-buddy, it’s even more important than normal to not seem like you’re hitting on her. Be yourself and let things happen naturally.
Things will start to evolve once you’ve done the deed. Keep sex at the center of your relationship. Don’t call your fuck buddy to talk about your day! The nature of your relationship needs to be clear to both of you!
Don’t comment on her social media posts and don’t be tempted to send flirty texts. Play dead. The only thing you’re allowed to do is text her to schedule your hook-ups, something like “I want to grab your hot ass, I’ll be over in an hour, okay?”
So, it’s important that the contact you do have is focused on developing sexual tension. This focus on sex helps keep the relationship fresh and helps you avoid it becoming more serious.
As to your skills, it’s obvious that they’ll be put to the test. Everything depends on the pleasure that you give your partner. Let yourself explore your fantasies and make hers come true. Don’t hesitate to take the initiative, and use your imagination. Show her that you’re a real man who has his sexuality under control.
This isn’t the kind of situation where you have to ask nicely for a blow-job – you’ve got to be the kind of man who makes your needs clear! The wildness of the situation plays a liberating role and gives your relationship the necessary spice.
4. The risk of a relationship with a fuck-buddy
Clearly, the biggest risk is developing feelings and not having them reciprocated. The whole point of developing this kind of relationship is to avoid having the responsibilities of being in a couple, so leave your feelings at the door and call it quits if it seems like your fuck buddy is getting too attached.
From a psychological point of view, maintaining a friends-with-benefits relationship could be seen as an unhealthy relationship, so it can definitely be hard to wrap your head around!
Its up to you to define your relationship and keep itclear: you see each other to fuck, period. If the line gets fuzzy, stop.
Finally, if you meet a girl you really like and who you have a good connection with, forget everything above and toss the fuck buddy plan!
Well, I think I’ve said just about everything I need to on the topic – I’ll leave it there! Ciao,guys!
J & B