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“Love lasts three years”… here is everything you need to know!

“Love lasts 3 years” isn’t just the title of a book by Frédéric Beigbeder or the film based on it.

When someone says that love lasts three years (the rough equivalent of Anglo-Saxons’ concept of the “seven year itch”), it’s also a reference to a biochemical theory.

It seems that divorce most commonly happens after three years of living together. In biochemical terms, love is a combination of oxytocin, dopamine, prolactin, noradrenaline and luliberin. Intense feelings of happiness are released by phenethylamine (PEA), while tenderness is associated with endorphins.

So, that’s the biochemical aspect. But in reality, the real question is, how it is possible to love the same, single person, whereas we can have many friends throughout our life? 3 years of love and that’s it? How long does love last?

Why does love last 3 years?

It seems that, in order to have a life span that’s prolonged by 10 years, and to be in good health, you have to have around a dozen sexual relations a month. Okay, fine, but does love really last 3 years?

If we say that love lasts 3 years, it’s because of the signs given off by scents. Let’s look at a concrete example: My friend, if someone makes you smell the scent (of sweat or another body odor) of a man you’ve just met and fallen for, you’ll find something pleasing about it. But if you do the same experiment three years later, you’ll find something unpleasant about these smells. But why?

It’s physiological. Over time, pleasure hormones diminish. But don’t worry – you still have oxytocin, which is the attachment hormone. That means you have to stimulate this hormone. In order to do that, you have to banish the humdrum feeling of the routine from setting in by adding some creativity to your relationship. Be novel if you want more than 3 years of love.

So, in theory, love lasts 3 years, maybe less. But in practice, it’s different. It’s clear that the way you felt when you fell in love at the beginning of your relationship won’t remain intact over the years. But this doesn’t mean that a couple who’s been together for 3 years is sure to fail and fall out of love. No. Anyway, surely you know a couple who loves each other and that’s remained solid for many years. This may even be the case for you, and you’re only reading this because you’re in a rough patch (something normal for a relationship and generally when we talk about love).

You have to be aware of what defines and makes up love. Sex, a real bond, kindness, tenderness, etc. All of this can last for your entire life as long as it’s well maintained.

The key is to take real pleasure in sharing your life with your partner. There are and always will be rough patches in love. You have to know how to overcome them to make your relationship last and remain solid.

3 years of love and then…?

3 years of love and then you go on loving each other…or not…

Honestly, it all depends on the couple. Every love story is different and specific to each couple. There are far too many elements to consider when it comes to making a relationship last or go bust. The most important thing is to continue to discover and remain interested in each other.

But the most important part of that is to truly discover and know oneself. You have to discover and know both yourself and your partner. Why? Because all too often, we idealize the other person. Then, when we realize that this ideal doesn’t fit with who our partner is in reality, we take a big fall. 3 years of love can certainly go on.

You have to bear in mind that human beings exist to reproduce. So, when a man and a woman are attracted to each other, they experience a sort of addiction that makes them happy when they’re together and unhappy when they’re apart. I talked about scent a bit earlier. Well, scent subconsciously guides a man and a woman into becoming partners. Of course, it’s not just scents that guide us when it comes to love. Biologically speaking, every month a woman has an egg that’s waiting to be fertilized. When that’s accomplished, she’ll be completely devoted to the growth of a child for 9 months.

For a man, it’s different. Every day he produces millions of spermatozoids, and his objective is to use one to fertilize a woman’s egg. To put it clearly, a woman is going to seek out a partner who can go the distance when she’s pregnant and then to help raise the child who’ll be born. Naturally, she’s looking for a man who’s strong in every sense of the word and who can provide material resources. For a man, it’s a different story. He wants a woman who will carry his child and pass on his genes.

So, 3 years of love and then, the secret is to let go of dependency in order to give room to happiness in a relationship. This is the most important thing: that a man and a woman feel good together. This feeling can grow and be sustained in different ways: sharing things and doing activities together, talking to each other, laughing like kids, etc. You have to focus on the essential and have common values that will allow you to remain solid and on the same wavelength.

How long does love last?

It all depends on what you do with this love. The question “How long does love last?” doesn’t have a single, definitive answer. Love can last a lifetime or a few seconds. If love only lasts 3 years, then why are there still so many couples who’ve stayed together for much longer?

You can’t make yourself fall in love. On the other hand, you have to take care to ask your partner questions in order to really know them and not be content to simply live in the clouds. People always say that the first moments of a love story are the most beautiful and that after, it’s less wonderful. However, you have to keep your feet on the ground and not idealize your partner. So, in order to know how long love lasts between people, there is no exact response. There is no standard duration of love.

You could say that love lasts for 3 years because that’s the amount of time you need to have a child and for it to become autonomous. During this period, a person doesn’t pay attention to the faults of their partner because they often find them perfect. But after these 3 years, you see a lot more faults in the other person.

So yes, the love and passion at the start of a love affair will naturally end up losing their intensity. But those aren’t the only things that count when it comes to love, fortunately. You have to remember the pleasure of being with your partner and sharing things together, the desire to be together just the two of you, and succeed in understanding each other. The pleasure that you feel with your partner – that’s what will maintain your relationship as the years go by. Whatever challenges you face, if that pleasure is maintained, love can last a lot longer than 3 years, in a different way.

It’s important not to base your experience on fairytales because love has absolutely nothing to do with “they lived happily ever after.” Love is a lot more complex than that, and even if there are some times when everything seems perfect, it’s not a constant – and the fact that this is the case doesn’t stop you from loving each other for more than 3 years.

There are clear reasons to say that love lasts 3 years, but that doesn’t mean you have to go your separate ways after 3 years in a relationship. Every human being changes and evolves over the course of their life. You mustn’t have any illusions about or idealize your partner. You have to keep your feet on the ground and tell yourself that love has different phases.

The passion of the first days you were together won’t necessarily be eternal but there are other ways to make love last in a relationship. You have to maintain the pleasure that you experience when you’re together.

And there’s another important thing that we don’t talk about enough: egotism. In love, you have to be egotistical. In other words, you can’t force yourself to stay with someone if you don’t get any pleasure from being with them. You have to be egotistical for two things: loving yourself above all and loving to be with the other person. If each partner keeps this in mind, then love can last as long as you maintain it.

What do you think about all this? Do you believe that love only lasts 3 years? Have you felt a difference when you reached the three-year mark with a partner? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Platonic Love: Everything You Need To Know (and how to overcome it)

By SBK TEAM

Platonic Love

When we talk about platonic love, we often make reference to poets and romantics from another era.

A platonic relationship is often associated with innocent and pure love. In fact, a platonic romantic relationship is about feelings rather than physical desire. In platonic love, sex doesn’t exist.

“But wait, Kamal, what’s the point of wanting love without sex,” you ask?

My friend, it depends on each person. Sometimes, a platonic relationship can be a sort of challenge, a way to discover something different. Sometimes, platonic love can be more intense than a physical relationship.

Basically, it depends. Now, there are also people who, having chosen to abstain for religious reasons, refuse any kind of sexual contact. We can also talk about asexuals: these are people who don’t want or experience sexual pleasure.

You can also add people who have psychological or sexual issues and have no other choice but to opt for platonic love.

What does ‘platonic love’ mean?

As I said in the introduction, platonic love excludes the physical. Many poets and writers had platonic relationships, which often inspired many other people. A platonic couple loves each other for what they are. Each partner loves the other for what they represent, without any sexuality involved. A platonic relationship is more concerned with the inner beauty and the soul of the other, than their physical appearance.

There are multiple reasons to choose platonic love, which I discussed in the introduction. Additionally, it can also strengthen the bond between partners and create an exceptional understanding in a couple. While a platonic couple doesn’t engage in any sexual activity, physical contact isn’t completely brushed aside. In fact, in platonic love, you could certainly kiss and caress each other, show tenderness towards one another. The only rule is not to give way to carnal desire.

How to add physical pleasure to a platonic relationship?

The problem is when a relationship is platonic when that’s not what you wanted…. Sometimes, we find ourselves in a relationship that’s stagnating or, even worse, that’s falling apart. No more attraction, no more seduction, no more sex… Nothing…

You don’t want a platonic relationship, and I understand.

Tell yourself one thing: before getting to this point where you no longer have sexual relations with your partner, you did have them. So, the idea is to find that passion and have fulfilling sexual relations within your relationship again.

It’s been a long time (too long) since you and your partner were intimate. You don’t touch each other anymore, you don’t make love; basically, your libido has had a huge slap in the face. Sex isn’t just sex. In a couple, sex allows you to share strong and unique sensations. Sex reinforces a couple’s intimacy and maintains partners’ desire for each other. So, when the other person’s desire disappears, that’s a big sign that something’s gone wrong.

Luckily, all problems have a solution. In any situation, an undesired platonic love can be fixed. First, you have to keep in mind that you should never assume anything is certain, and that goes for your partner, too. Just because you’ve been together for a while doesn’t mean your partner is totally yours. Far from it!

By our nature, human beings need tenderness and love, so if he doesn’t get it in your relationship, he’ll go looking for it somewhere else, or have an affair.

Why and how do you end up in a platonic relationship?

Anyone might find themselves in a platonic relationship, even the most passionate of couples. Sometimes all it takes is one small detail to throw a couple off completely.

The most flagrant sign is a couple’s absence of sexual relations. Anything serves as an excuse not to make love or, worse still, you both go to bed at night without even thinking of it. At no moment do you have the desire or idea to make love with your partner. Maybe the routine has taken over your sex life…Certainly, even.

Sure, we can’t escape from having a routine, but you can’t let it poison your life. A life that lacks novelty and spice will certainly have an impact on libido and, thus, sexual relations, which will become nonexistent. You have to continue to seduce each other, whether you’ve been together 1 year, 3 years, or 10 years. You have to keep the fire burning in order not to end up in a platonic relationship, if that’s not what you want.

Sometimes, the situation can also be caused by a physical change. To put it bluntly, I’m talking about letting yourself go. Thinking you’ve got your partner so there’s no need to make an effort, pregnancy, the routine… All of these elements can cause a physical change in either partner – even in both of you.

Inevitably, when you become less attractive to your partner, their desire diminishes, as well as your sexual relationship. Now, you have to simply pull yourself together and not let yourself go. Anyway, to find your libido again, you have to feel good about yourself, so get it together and take care of yourself!

Platonic love can come about because of health problems. In this case, you can’t do much, depending on the type of problem. In some cases, it may be a question of having to wait for the healing process. In others, you have to adapt and find alternatives. If, for example, a health problem is causing physical pain and symptoms, it may be good to consider using sex toys. For erectile dysfunction, there may be a medical solution, and in the case of menopause, sometimes you have to wait until your body adapts to the changes. Taking certain kinds of medication can also impact the libido.

How to properly define an ambiguous relationship?

Yes, platonic love or simple friendship can sometimes make you wonder how to define an ambiguous relationship. If you’re even asking yourself this question, it means you’re feeling more than just amicable sentiments towards this person. But how can you tell if you’re feelings are love or friendship? There are a lot more similarities than differences between love and friendship. Ultimately, the biggest difference is that with love, there’s desire and sexual relations.

Sometimes, a person can get along so well with a friend of the opposite sex that people around them ask if you aren’t in love. Well, sometimes it’s the people around them, but it can also be one or both of the people in question.

Still, it’s not because you get along really well with someone that your relationship has to become romantic. To recognize an ambiguous relationship, there are certain signs, like

how you look at each other
desire
plans and projects you’re making and doing together
certain double meanings in the things you say to each other
jealousy (although this doesn’t apply to everyone because some people don’t necessarily get jealous)

Sometimes, we interpret these ideas as love when in fact, it really is just friendship. In any case, it’s important to talk about the situation with each other and not hide it. It’s better to clarify things rather than feeling bad or imagining what’s not real.

One way or another, there will have to be a choice between love or friendship, unless this ambiguous situation works for both people… But I doubt that. Ambiguity can be fun or even exciting – depending on the circumstances -but in the long term, it really isn’t very pleasant. And it’s a lot better to know what to expect rather than constantly asking yourself 36000 questions.

If a platonic relationship works for both of you, why not? If that’s not the case, don’t be afraid to talk about it. The goal is for you to both feel good and for there not to be any awkwardness between you. Whatever the result, at least you’ll know where things stand, and that’s the most important thing when it comes to feeling good.

Platonic love is a form of love that doesn’t include sex. It’s difficult to understand today, especially because sex is important in a relationship since beyond orgasm and physical pleasure, it allows us to discover ourselves and love ourselves differently. Don’t forget that sex also has numerous benefits for a couple and also for the human being that you are.

What do you think about a platonic relationship? Have you ever had one? Does the idea tempt you? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Stop stressing over things you can’t control

By SBK TEAM

STOP STRESS

Stress is like a wound in your everyday life. You can make a difference between good and bad stress.

Good stress can help you overcome complicated situations or “first times”, like public speaking, a first date, or making love with someone for the first time. Bad stress, though, can have harmful effects on your physical and mental health.

And of course, too much stress is never good.

They say that stressing about something you can’t control is pointless. And that’s true! So, stop stressing over things you can’t control. Don’t worry – there are ways to do this if you commit to it. Plus, honestly, constantly trying to control everything is exhausting, isn’t it?

Understanding stress

Stress manifests itself as a form of tension – physical or mental – that creates a very unpleasant feeling of discomfort.
Good stress is what you might feel when you’re preparing for a happy event like a big anniversary celebration or a wedding or trip. Bad stress, on the other hand, is dangerous for physical and mental health.

There some symptoms that can help you determine if you’re experiencing stress. For example:

an increase or decrease in appetite
tension
being over- or under -weight
trouble sleeping
physical pain (head, back, stomach aches)
lower energy level
constant feelings of anger
a desire to isolate oneself
a desire to cry or an overall feeling of sadness

You can also experience a state of stress that doesn’t last. Of course, just because stress is temporary doesn’t mean your physical or mental health isn’t at risk. Temporary stress that often affects physical or mental health includes having too much work, a fight with a loved one, or too many little inconveniences in your daily life, like traffic jams or being late. …One thing is certain: stress can’t be managed by drinking or abusing drugs.

Some tips to help you stop stressing about things you can’t control

The first thing to do if you want to stop stressing about things you can’t control is to get some perspective. Ask yourself if you could do something that would have a direct influence on the thing that’s stressing you. Often, you’ll see that you’re stressing over things that are out of your control, so if you have no way to control them, you’re stressing for no reason, since your stress won’t change anything.

Learn to detach yourself from things that you can’t control. If you have no control over something, let go and don’t let stress overcome you.

Focus on the positive things in your life. Take some distance.

Participating in a sport or physical activity can be an immense help in fighting stress. It doesn’t matter if the activity is yoga, going for a run or a bike ride, or something else. Do an activity that lets you get some air and use some of your energy.

You can add to this the practice of meditation. Meditation involves breathing exercises. If you meditate every day, even if it’s only for 5 to 10 minutes a day, you’ll see that it has an effect on stress. Meditate in a place and at a time that lends itself to this practice. You should be able to relax or, at the very least, reduce your stress thanks to meditation.

Another tip: If, for example, you’re in your car, in the middle of a traffic jam, you might be feeling stressed. However, traffic jams are one of those things that you absolutely can’t control. Either you can take an alternate route that would let you avoid gridlock, or you have to be patient. To help you do this, inhale deeply and exhale deeply, 3 times. You’ll see that this will help calm you down. You can do this exercise in any stressful situation in which you have no control. Little by little, you’ll learn to stop stressing about things you can’t control.

Also, don’t forget the anti-stress power of the people you spend time with. You must know someone in your family or your circle of friends whose company you enjoy and who doesn’t make you feel any stress. Don’t hesitate to spend time with this person (or these people, if there’s more than one) to help you battle your stress. It’s a very good idea to spend time with a person (or people) who never make you feel stressed.

The opposite is also true: avoid people and situations that stress you.

You yourself can also do something to increase your sense of satisfaction and well-being. Do an activity you like or give yourself over to your passion or try something for the first time. Think about doing something good for yourself and increasing your feelings of well-being and happiness. Spoil yourself with a massage at a spa; go check out an art exhibition; help someone in need; etc.

Basically, focus on every positive thing in and around you.

A little bit of planning can help you anticipate and manage your stress

Sometimes, you may recognize recurring times of stress. This might be before your period or simply due to any event that occurs each month. With a bit of planning, you can anticipate and manage your stress.

In a notebook and/or calendar, write down dates or moments when you experienced stress. If you know the reason, write that down as well. Little by little, you’ll see when these states of stress occur, and you’ll be able to anticipate them, which will decrease their impact or even completely eliminate it.

To take things even farther, you can write in detail about the times you felt stress, explaining the reason for your stress, precisely what you felt (physically and mentally), how you reacted in that particular stressful situation and what you did to get rid of the stress (for example, inhaling and exhaling deeply three times, meditation, an activity you enjoy, etc.).

Talk about what’s stressing you. Avoid isolating yourself. If you don’t want to talk about your stress to everyone you know, choose one or two people who have a positive effect on you and who, above all, know how to listen to and support you. Don’t talk about what causes you stress to people who will only add another dose of stress to what you already feel.

Pay close attention to what you eat. This has a direct impact on your physical and mental health. If you eat badly, you’ll be inviting stress in. On the other hand, if you have a balanced diet, it will be easier for you to fight and chase away bad stress.

The same thing goes for sleep. It’s extremely important that you get enough sleep in order to reduce the onset and intensity of stress. If you don’t sleep much or if you sleep badly, you’ll often be victim to stress because you won’t have a clear head and your body will be tired, and thus, vulnerable.

When you’re able to anticipate and/or manage your stress, congratulate yourself. Do something to reward yourself, like buying a new item of clothing or eating your favorite dessert, or anything else that would make you happy. That said, don’t go crazy. You shouldn’t get yourself something every time you manage to eliminate any stress you’re feeling. Do this at the beginning to encourage yourself, but the idea is that in the long run, you’ll be able to eliminate stress naturally and systematically.

If these tips still don’t help you to anticipate and/or manage your stress, don’t hesitate to talk to a specialist. For one thing, there’s no shame in talking about it, and for another, a professional could suggest additional solutions adapted to your particular circumstances.

Ultimately, it’s important to know the difference between good stress and bad stress. Good stress is necessary in positive situations. Bad stress is something to fight against so that your physical and mental health aren’t destroyed. Luckily, you can battle bad stress, and, as we’ve seen, there are several ways to do this.

What do you think about stress? Have you ever stressed over things you can’t control? If so, stop right now! Share your experiences and tell us what you think about all this in the comments.

Radio Silence To Get Your Ex Back: Here is How to Do it !

By SBK TEAM

radio silence

Radio silence is a technique people often use to get back their ex.

If you’re here, you’re obviously looking for a way to get your ex back. You think you’ve tried everything: you’ve bombarded him with messages, excuses, loving words, promises…. And nothing. No sign from him, or simply a refusal to see or speak to you again.

This is where radio silence comes in. We could call it radio ex silence, since it will let you get your ex back. But radio silence is more than just a name; it’s something that has to be done according to certain conditions. Since we’re talking about radio silence after a breakup, you have to understand and accept the breakup in order for this technique to actually work.

Post-breakup radio silence

Radio silence after a breakup has to be done in a careful way. Post-breakup radio silence means taking some distance from your ex in order to come back to him. The idea is to make your ex miss you. This can reawaken his feelings for you and make him want to come back into your arms.

Of course, this isn’t about simply cutting off all contact with them and waiting for time to pass until one day you find him at your door, whispering sweet nothings. On the contrary, radio silence will allow you to take back control of the situation and of your emotions. It will allow you to no longer either need his affection, nor to be chasing after him.

That’s it, there’s the control that will be a concrete sign of change in your ex’s eyes. You’re going to surprise him by how confident you are. But your ex won’t be the only one who’s affected by your radio silence. It will also affect you, since it will allow you to catch your breath and regain confidence in yourself and your life.

Keep in mind that this period of post-breakup radio silence won’t always be easy, especially at the beginning. It will also be a challenge for your ex, whatever you might think. Your ex will do everything to show you that everything is going well for him, but men do that to hide their real emotions. You’re going to simply do the same, in a balanced, healthy way, to take control of your life and win him back in an intelligent way.

How long should radio silence last?

No doubt you’re wondering how long your radio silence has to last. It’s a totally normal and logical question. Before answering I’d like for you to carefully read what follows.

Like I said before, radio silence isn’t just about cutting off all contact with your ex and waiting for time to pass.

With radio silence, you have to make your ex want to get back together with you. You have to make him miss you, in order to get him back, little by little. With this technique, you’re going to give him space, which will allow him – and you – to take some distance. This silence will do him good, but it will also be beneficial for you, and let you reflect on yourself, your life, and your feelings for him.

If your ex was used to you always being behind him, always available and at his beck and call, this will be the complete opposite. He’s going to notice that, and he’ll miss you. But of course, you have to stick to the rules in order for your radio silence to work.

So, how long should radio silence last? Obviously, radio silence shouldn’t go on forever. But you should wait enough time for it to work before ending it. If your radio silence lasts 2 or 3 days, it will be completely useless, and you won’t be able to win back your ex. If your radio silence lasts one year, that’s way too long and he may have moved on….

Every relationship, every breakup, every radio silence is unique. I could tell you to cut off all contact with your ex for 2 weeks, for 1 month, or more. But really, you’re the one who’s able to judge the best time limit. To help guide you, tell yourself that your radio silence should last at least 2 weeks. Now, you also have to take into account how long your relationship lasted, why you broke up, and the general circumstances. Your radio silence (which should be extreme in the first days and weeks) could then evolve into keeping your distance.

Radio silence when you’re in love

Radio silence when you’re in love is a truly useful technique. Whether you’ve been together for 6 months, 1 year or more, the intensity of your feelings could still be just as strong, regardless of how long you’ve been seeing each other. This means the lack of closeness will really be felt.

Practicing radio silence with your ex isn’t easy at first but like everything else, you’ll end up being able to do it. And remember that you should never, never give in for any reason. Interrupting radio silence when you’ve only put it in place for 1 week is going to drastically reduce your chances of winning back your ex. You have to seem strong and sure of yourself in order to best use this technique.

Radio silence means no contact with your ex in any way. No text messages, no phone calls, no “likes” on his Facebook profile, no reactions on his Instagram. Nothing. Zero signs from you towards him, even if he’s in a post by someone you both know. Total radio silence.

You may want to bend the rules, but it would be a shame to ruin all of your hard work in just a few seconds. To keep from giving in, keep yourself busy. Go out, see your friends and family, go to the gym or do activities that interest you. The busier you are, the less you’ll be tempted to break your radio silence.

Tell yourself that you have to keep up this period of radio silence so that you can be at your best physically and mentally. When you end your radio silence, you’ll be at the top of your game because don’t forget, you want to get your ex back. If you don’t look down in the dumps and you’ve let yourself go, your ex won’t want to get back together. On the other hand, if you’re in shape and exuding good vibes, your ex will be seduced and want to get back together with you.

Ending your radio silence
The fateful moment of ending your radio silence. Yes, like I said, radio silence shouldn’t go on for an eternity; there will be a point when you have to break it.

Bravo! You’ve kept several weeks of total silence and haven’t given in and contacted your ex even once. Now it’s time to change your radio silence. Be careful, though, not to rush, because even ending your radio silence has to be done in an intelligent way. Just because you’ve held off from contacting your ex for so long doesn’t mean that now you can bombard him with messages and make the same mistakes you did before. No.

When it comes to the best way to end your radio silence, you have several options. You can simply send a text message to your ex or you could react to one of his recent social media posts. It’s up to you to decide how you want to come back into his life. But be careful not to spread yourself thin, reacting to everything he’s done lately. Choose a single method and don’t go overboard.

If you want, you could even choose to send him a handwritten letter. This is often considered the best way to end a radio silence, but honestly, it doesn’t matter what method you choose. If you’ve maintained this total silence, you can end it the way that seems best to you, as long as you remain poised and don’t harass your ex.

A man’s radio silence

Once you’ve decided to end your radio silence, expect two reactions from your ex: either he’ll reply to you immediately or in the days that follow, or he won’t respond at all. A man’s radio silence can be his way to “avenge” himself for yours.

Don’t see anything bad in this; consider it a man’s natural reaction. Your silence probably deeply hurt your ex, so he thinks he shouldn’t come back to you whenever you feel like it. He could be trying to make you long for him, but in any case, you absolutely must not give in to his behavior and you must not spoil your own radio silence. Don’t forget that you must not show that you want his love but, rather, that you’re in control. What you want is to win him back in order to rebuild your couple on a healthy, solid foundation. You don’t want to make the same mistakes that led to your breakup.

Basically, a man’s radio silence shows that he was affected by your radio silence and that he’ll either come back to you or won’t. In the meantime, you’ll have taken enough distance from the situation to accept what will happen next and continue to move forward, with or without him.

Radio silence can be a good way to win back your ex, but most importantly it will let you take care of yourself. You can use this time to take some distance and reflect on what you want. Maintain radio silence for at least 2 weeks (ideally 3 or 4 weeks) but adapt it based on the reasons for your breakup and how long you were in a relationship with your ex.

If you’ve already used the radio silence technique with your ex, talk about it in the comments and share your experiences so that we can explore this subject more deeply, together.

The Four Agreements: Everything You Should Know (2019)

By SBK TEAM

Listed in a book of the same name, The Four Agreements are rules for life that will help you find freedom, happiness, and love.

A lot’s been said about this bestseller, overall more or less in its favor. Written by Mexican writer and speaker Miguel Angel Ruiz, The Four Agreements was published in the US in 1997, and then in other countries in the years that followed. At only around a hundred pages, it’s a quick read. But this “little” book has sold millions of copies around the world.

What are The Four Agreements?

As their name implies, the Four Agreements are agreements – but what about? Author Miguel Ruiz suggests making these agreements with yourself, which will help you avoid any situation involving suffering, and see reality for what it really is. He denounces the way children are raised and conditioned: to know what is good and not good, what is true or false, what is beautiful or ugly, etc. He also denounces personal thoughts that give you a false image of yourself and of the world in general.

Ultimately, none of this is new. In fact, you’ll find a lot of Ruiz’s ideas in cognitive behavior therapy, which helps you see the traps you set for yourself by either not taking enough distance or by making generalizations.

So, if what Miguel Ruiz writes in The Four Agreements isn’t anything new, why has the book become an international success? For a very simple reason: The author knows how to use relatively easy vocabulary, as well as concrete examples. This means that the book isn’t just for people with a knowledge of psychology or counseling; it’s accessible and understandable to everyone. The author uses himself as an example to show that if he can make these Four Agreements with himself, anyone can.

The Four Agreements are:

Be impeccable with your word.
Don’t take anything personally.
Don’t make assumptions.
Always do your best.

A fifth agreement has recently been added to these:
Be skeptical, but learn to listen.

Let’s take a deeper look at each of these agreements.

The first agreement: Be impeccable with your word.

The first agreement is about speaking with integrity and only saying what you think. You can’t use your word against yourself and you can’t malign others, either.

Miguel Ruiz writes about the power of words. We’re all marked by hurtful things that were said to us when we were younger, or even less young, for that matter. Whatever comes from our mouths has the power to do harm. With words, we have the power to destroy but also to build. Take, for example, telling a child that he’s fat. This will influence how he sees his life and himself, because he’ll always believe that he’s fat.

So how can you live by the first agreement? Look for a way to balance what you say by finding a middle ground. You shouldn’t go overboard when it comes to what you say or how much you say it. This goes for all critiques and judgements you direct at other people. But it also applies to things you tell yourself, like “I’m no good,” “I’ll never be able to do this,” “I’m ugly,” etc. All of these statements are negative and will have a bad influence on your mentality.

Ultimately, criticism and judgement give us false images of others and of the world in general. The solution is not to talk too much, but to tell the truth, emphasizing positive things about yourself and others.

The second agreement: Don’t take anything personally.

The second agreement focuses on the fact that other people’s actions and words only correspond to their personal reality. Once you have a shield against this, you’ll no longer continue to needlessly suffer.

To put it another way, another person’s words and actions do not concern you. If someone criticizes, judges, or insults you, that’s the image that they have of you but it’s not who you really are.

In the same sense, if something happens, it’s not always tied to you. According to Miguel Ruiz, it’s important not to fall into the trap of egocentrism that suggests that everything is tied to our actions and gestures. According to him, egocentrism plunges us into illusion and prolongs our suffering.

In order to follow the second agreement, you have to take some distance. You can’t claim something for yourself that belongs to someone else. Otherwise, you’ll only end up with sadness, fear, or anger. The goal in this case is not to take responsibility for others’ words and acts.

The third agreement: Don’t make assumptions.

The third agreement means that we must have the courage to ask questions and express our true desires. You have to be able to express yourself and communicate clearly with others in order to avoid sorrow, misunderstandings, and drama.

Assumptions carry prejudice. When you assume, you create hypotheses that you end up believing. For example, imagine that your partner didn’t send you a text message today. You think that they’re angry with you or that you’ve done something bad or something happened to them, etc. When you do this, you emotionally poison yourself.

In order to keep it from happening, you must be able to clarify things by speaking about your concerns. You have to be able to listen and understand.

To accomplish this, you must realize that your assumptions are nothing more than bad ideas. Once you believe in your assumption (‘My partner is angry’), you’re going to feel pressured (‘I’m not going to reach out to them’). All of this is, obviously, a source of stress and anxiety.

The fourth agreement: Always do your best.

The fourth agreement simply says that you have to do your best under every circumstance.

If you re-read the first three agreements, you’ll realize that they’re directly tied to this fourth one. Basically, if you always take things to the extreme, you use up all of your energy, which leads to acting against yourself. If you do the inverse of going to the extreme – in other words, doing less – you’ll feel frustrated, regretful, and guilty. You have to find the perfect balance by doing your best.

You have to understand what is good for you, not what is the ‘norm’. Sometimes, what’s best for you is to listen to music or rest or exercise, go out, etc. You simply have to remove yourself from the desire for perfection. Instead of thinking that you have to do something, tell yourself that you can do something. The difference is that you’ll do this “something” without asking what other people are going to think or expect.

The fifth agreement: Be skeptical, but learn to listen.

Originally, there were only four agreements, but in 2010, Miguel Ruiz and his son co-wrote another agreement. This one means that you should neither believe yourself, nor anyone else. You have to doubt and question what you hear, by asking yourself if it’s really the truth. This means that you must learn to listen.

People who always complain won’t be able to believe that what happens to them is tied to what they give off. For example, if I tell myself “I’m afraid I’ll fall,” I will fall, and I’ll be even more afraid of falling again. This vicious cycle will continue for as long as I continue not to understand that it’s the fear of falling that makes us fall. You have to go beyond this fear.

This fifth agreement leads to a higher level of consciousness, that is, the freedom to be who you really are. While the first four agreements are mostly concerned with being in harmony with yourself, the fifth agreement is about being open towards others. It also allows you to learn to respect your dreams, to accept yourself as you are, without having to change anything.

Our beliefs are what make up our reality, so in order to change that reality, we have to change our beliefs. This is why you have to doubt, be skeptical and able to question what others say and what you tell yourself.

You then have to learn to listen in order to improve communication. Not everyone has the same opinion and no opinion is absolutely right or true.

The four agreements, as well as the fifth one, come from books by Mexican author Miguel Ruiz. To sum up what we’ve looked at, the first agreement is “Be impeccable with your word”, the second agreement is “Don’t take anything personally”, the third agreement is “Don’t make assumptions”, the fourth agreement is “Always do your best”, and the fifth agreement is “Be skeptical, but learn to listen.”

These agreements should help you be well in mind and body. They were developed to allow you to be at peace with yourself and with the world around you. What do you think of them? Do you think there’s truth in them or do they just seem ridiculous?

Here is Why You Feel Lonely – And What to Do About It Right Now

By SBK TEAM

Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling.

It’s not always easy to understand why you feel this way, and it’s even harder to know how to change it.

There could be several reasons why you feel lonely, and they could be voluntary or involuntary. Sometimes you want to be alone but other times you want to be around others. Whatever the case, it’s possible to enjoy and benefit from being alone.

And you can also stop being alone.

If you often think, “I feel lonely,” well, let’s look at why that is, and how to stop feeling this way. You’re going to learn how to enjoy your own company, how to meet other people, and how to maintain your current relationships. Let’s discover all of that in the paragraphs that follow.

Identify and understand why you feel lonely

In any problematic situation, you have to start by identifying and understanding why you’re facing this issue. In this case, you have to identify and understand why you feel lonely. It’s not enough to say, “I feel lonely.” No. You have to go deeper to get to the heart of the reasons for this solitude and not continue being sad. The emptiness you feel can be filled.

Try to answer these questions:

Why do I feel lonely?
Since when/How often/At what times do I feel lonely?
Which of my friends, family, and loved ones make me feel lonely?
What can I do when I feel lonely?

Why do I feel lonely?: Your solitude could be caused by the fact that you don’t have a lot of friends. You’ve just arrived in a country or city that you don’t know and you’re having trouble meeting people. Or maybe you’re shy and can’t manage to make friends. You could also be the only person who’s single or isn’t a parent, out of all of your friends. There could be a long list of reasons for why you feel alone, but you must be able to know why you feel this emptiness.

Since when/How often/At what times do I feel lonely? Have you been feeling lonely for a while, or is this relatively recent? How long have you felt this way? Do you feel lonely at precise times? Sometimes you could feel an emptiness when you think about a loved one you lost. You must identify the length and frequency of your feelings of loneliness.

Which of my friends, family, and loved ones make me feel lonely?: Just because you have lots of friends – or, rather, acquaintances – doesn’t mean you feel togetherness, support, being listened to, loved, etc. In fact, sometimes when we have too many acquaintances, we end up feeling lonely.

This kind of solitude is one thing that might be making you sad. It’s also possible that you have a habit of keeping up toxic relationships. These relationships can only be bad for you and will make you feel lonely.

What can I do when I feel lonely?: You can take advantage of this time to write down what you think and feel. This is an exercise that will help you relax but also get out everything you feel about your loneliness. The idea is to write down whatever comes to mind about your feelings of solitude. You can also take some time each morning to meditate.

Even 5 minutes (although the ideal minimum is at least 10) of meditation can do you good. There are a lot of free apps that can help you get started. It’s a good way to get to the heart of your loneliness, understand it, and find one or even several solutions. If writing or meditating doesn’t really appeal to you, you can always go to a coach or even a therapist, for example.

This will allow you to talk confidentially with someone who will listen and help you with your loneliness. You may simply be going through a difficult time but it’s also possible that your loneliness is being caused by an issue like depression. So, there’s nothing to lose if you go see a coach or therapist, and everything to gain.

Take time to talk with and listen to a friend

You probably have a friend you trust. Take time to go see that friend, to talk to them and listen to what they have to say. Share what you feel with them, ask if they’ve ever felt something similar. You can even choose to talk to a family member or a coworker, it doesn’t matter what role they have in your life – you just have to feel confident that you can confide in them.

The simple act of expressing what you feel will help you make progress. And never underestimate the support and good advice your friends and loved ones can give you. Even if you don’t always feel like they understand you, just the right word or moment can help you feel better.

If you don’t know who you could talk to among the people you know, a coach or therapist are excellent alternatives, as is simply expressing what you feel in writing.

Be active – and stay that way

The problem with solitude is that it can make you isolate yourself from others, when you need to do the opposite. Sure, everyone has their own personality and temperament. That said, instead of always thinking about the emptiness you feel, do things that make you feel good.

There must be something that you can do alone that would give you a sensation of wellbeing. Don’t hesitate to try new things, whether they’re ideas you’ve had for a while, or something you would never have imagined. These activities may allow you to meet people and not feel lonely anymore.

Enjoy your solitude

I know, it might seem strange to say it, but enjoy your solitude. Have you ever heard people complain about something they’d like to do, but can’t because their significant other or someone else is stopping them? I hear a lot of people say, “I would really have liked to do this or that but I’m not on my own, so I can’t.”

Look at being alone as something lucky. You’re lucky that you can do what you want, when you want, anytime you want. Think of your solitude as freedom, not as a prison.

Take advantage of all the possibilities life offers you because you’re alone and able to take part. You don’t need to ask anyone’s opinion to do what you want, so go for it. You want to go see a film? Go see it! You want to eat at 2 o’clock instead of noon – do it! Enjoy not having to take care of anyone but you. Pamper yourself.

Get a pet

Many pets only ask to be loved and pampered. Why not get a cat, dog, or any other animal that you’d like? You’ll have a loyal companion by your side and your feelings of loneliness will quickly dissipate. Be prepared, however, to give your pet essential care and attention. A pet must be cared for and if you choose to adopt one, you must be committed to doing this. Be careful, too, not to isolate yourself with your pet. Don’t cut yourself off from the world just because you have a cat or dog with you. Keep things in perspective.

Go out and see people

Even if you’re not interested in meeting people on a superficial level, life is full of surprises. Get out, see people. Don’t close yourself off, and stay home, sad and lonely.

Enjoy what life has to offer. Do a team sport or another activity that involves other people. Go on an organized group excursion or choose a youth hostel where you sleep in a dormitory rather than a single room. Increase your opportunities to meet other people and make new friends. Sometimes, all it takes is meeting one person and you’ll feel less alone and sad. Push yourself to meet others but don’t force yourself to make friends at any cost. Enjoy the present moment and all of its potential.

Visit friends and loved ones you haven’t seen in a long time. Change your habits and surroundings. Meet new people. Take the first step and don’t wait for everything to immediately fall into place.

Learn to like being alone

As I said earlier, learn to like being alone. This is the key to happiness, my dear. If you can enjoy being alone and feel good on your own, you’ve won at life.

The problem is that many women think they’re happy only when they have a boyfriend and are in love. But that’s a completely false, even dangerous way to think. The most important thing is, first, to be happy on your own. If you’re waiting for someone to make you happy and help you feel less alone, you’re not doing things right.

You have everything you need to feel happy even when you’re on your own. Go deeper. Think about the woman you really are. Discover what truly makes you happy. Listen to what’s inside you. Don’t let anyone influence or discourage you.

Solitude can be extremely beneficial, but you must believe that and do everything you can to make the most of it.

Keep in mind, too, that some women are in a relationship but feel terribly alone. That’s horrible, isn’t it? So, pull yourself together and think about how fortunate you are.

You’ll be surprised to discover all the positive things that happen when you’re able to be happy with yourself and for yourself. And if you’re looking for love, trust me: you’ll find it if you learn to be happy on your own.

You see, if you feel lonely, there are many ways to stop feeling that way. You should start by identifying and understanding why you feel lonely before going any further. Ask yourself all of the questions that are in your mind and try to answer them in order to move ahead.

Talk to a friend or someone you trust. Motivate yourself, get moving, be active and stay that way. Adopt a dog, cat, or any pet you’d like. Meet people; don’t stay closed in on yourself. And above all, discover the advantages of being on your own. Learn to like and enjoy all of the good things about being alone.

How To Tell The Difference Between Love And Friendship

By SBK TEAM

Love and friendship are two very strong feelings that are at once similar and distinctly different from one another.

Maybe you have romantic feelings for your friend or maybe you only feel friendship towards your girlfriend or boyfriend. It’s not easy to be sure when you don’t really know how to tell the difference between the two.

Whether in friendship or in love, feelings are very much present and very strong. You love this person and want to spend time with them and keep a strong connection. But up to what point can you call this friendship, and when is it more a question of love?

How to tell the difference between love and friendship?

If you’re asking yourself this question, it may be because you don’t really know if you feel love or friendship for her or for him.

Here is Why You Feel Lonely – And What to Do About It Right Now

There’s not that big a difference between friendship and love

The idea of friendship is support and a strong bond. Friends have a strong bond and support one another, no matter what. With your friends, you laugh, you cry, you talk, you listen – basically, you do everything you like, together. Each of you trusts and respects the other. When things are going well, or things are going badly, you share that with your friends.

When you come down to it, with love, it’s the same thing. Except you have to add the sexual aspect that isn’t a part of friendship. Two friends aren’t supposed to feel sexual desire towards each other. Two lovers, on the other hand, are. Let’s say that in love, you find all the same codes that you do in friendship, along with sex.

You have to analyze how intense your emotions are. For example, a friend will never take up as much of your thoughts as someone you’re in love with. During the day, you’re not going to think about your friend and say “Oh, I really want to make love with him/her!”

You also have to make note of your behavior, physically speaking. If your heart beats more quickly and you’re suddenly warmer in their presence, you should start asking yourself how you really feel about this person. Clearly if you feel this way, you feel more than friendship towards them.

Also, when you meet up with a friend, you don’t necessarily worry about how you’re dressed or what you look like in general. On the other hand, if you’re meeting up with someone you’re in love with, then you’ll want to look your best and not be haphazardly dressed and put together.

When you think about it, we start questioning friendship between a man and a woman even when we’re teenagers. It’s a legitimate issue because we realize that we get along well with a person of the opposite sex but that sometimes we also want to kiss them on the lips or make love with them. This question can still haunt us as adults. We end up with three possible outcomes:

1. Simply friendship, with no sexual or romantic desire.

Each person is content in this friendship and isn’t looking for anything else. And if one of the two suddenly does start to have feelings that are more romantic than friendship-related, they won’t have a problem discussing it with the other, either to change their relationship to that of lovers, or to clear the air and remain the excellent friends that they already are.

2. A friendship where one of the friends has romantic feelings for the other; these romantic feelings are not reciprocated.

Here, things get more complicated, of course. To the friend who doesn’t have romantic feelings, the friendship seems fantastic and wonderful. On the other hand, for the friend who has the romantic feelings, this unrequited love ends up being a source of suffering. Most of the time, the person who’s in love will not declare their feelings for their friend, so as not to risk losing them. Unfortunately, this person will choose to keep their sentiments silent to maintain a relationship that will never turn into love.

3. The friendship where the friends are in love with each other but won’t admit their feelings, for various reasons.

This will certainly make you think of romantic movies. The two friends won’t admit what they feel and if they’re shy on top of that, they’ll end up growing apart. Or, in the best-case scenario, they’ll dare to tell each other what they feel and will transform their friendship into a true love story, real a Hollywood ending.

Friendship vs. Love: Different signs that can help you recognize and distinguish each one

As was said above, what mainly separates love and friendship is the sexual aspect between the two people. In friendship, there is no sexual desire, whereas in love, there is.

When you’re in love, you want to make plans with each other, move forward together, do everything together. You want to take care of yourself to please the person you love and continue to seduce them.

With friends, you don’t care about leaving the house with messy hair and no makeup on. And the idea of going to bed with your friend makes you laugh more than anything else. (And may even disgust you.)

You’re also certainly less demanding with your friend than you are with the person you’re in love with. For example, take one of them being late or not taking your call…you know what I mean!

So, yes, friendship can be considered a form of love, but again, without the sex and seduction aspect.

Sometimes, you might thing that you have romantic feelings for your friend but in fact, once you try to be lovers, you realize that it was just a passing thing. This can happen, and it’s fine if both people realize it at the same time. That makes for a funny story later on. In any case, it’s best that two people be on the same wavelength. Otherwise, there’s a great risk of suffering and discomfort in your relationship.

So, what about you?

If you’re here, it’s because you’re asking yourself some questions about the true nature of your feelings towards one friend in particular.

It’s good to question things, and it’s even better to be informed so that you can see things more clearly. Rest assured, there’s nothing strange about having doubts regarding your feelings towards someone. Now, the goal is to know what you want and what this other person wants.

You’re the only person who can answer that. Maybe you’ll you accept staying in the friendship/love scenario by keeping your feelings to yourself and suffering in silence.

Maybe you’ll decide to talk to your friend about your feelings and see what happens, risking losing this friend. Maybe you’ll admit your feelings and you’ll see that your friend feels the same way, and your relationship will transform into a romantic one.

Whatever you choose to do, you have to make yourself and your well-being a priority. But you are going to have to choose and act according to the consequences, regardless. Tell yourself that if, unfortunately, your friend doesn’t share your romantic feelings, it may be better to take a certain distance to protect yourself and not to experience suffering that you don’t deserve.

Of course, this doesn’t mean your friend is a bad person — far from it.

You can’t force someone to feel the same things you do. On the other hand, you’ll have to take care of yourself and limit your suffering by taking some distance. There’s no reason to suffer for nothing.

Now, it could also turn out that this period of questioning is just a passing thing and you realize that no, you’re not in love with this person. Whew! What a relief! In this case, no problem, your friendship can continue as if nothing happened, and everyone will be happy and relieved. And then, if you both end up realizing that you’re more than just friends, you’ll be happy that you admitted your feelings to each other.

Life is worth the effort of being lived with some risks, and admitting your feelings to someone is a risk that can be worth taking. It’s up to you to decide if you’re prepared to possibly lose or win this friendship with this person.

To sum it up, to know how to tell the difference between love and friendship, you have to take into account the aspects of seduction and sexual desire. In friendship, these don’t exist. In love, they’re inevitable.

Regardless of the kind of relationship, the feelings should be reciprocal. Otherwise, one of the two people involved will be suffering because they don’t have what they really want.

Don’t be afraid to tell your friend how you feel. If you’ve been friends till now, it’s because you can trust, listen to, and understand each other. The outcome isn’t up to you and no one will force you to do anything that’s not good for you. Always remember to take care of and make the best choices for yourself.

Have you ever fallen in love with a friend? What happened? Tell us about it.