Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling.
It’s not always easy to understand why you feel this way, and it’s even harder to know how to change it.
There could be several reasons why you feel lonely, and they could be voluntary or involuntary. Sometimes you want to be alone but other times you want to be around others. Whatever the case, it’s possible to enjoy and benefit from being alone.
And you can also stop being alone.
If you often think, “I feel lonely,” well, let’s look at why that is, and how to stop feeling this way. You’re going to learn how to enjoy your own company, how to meet other people, and how to maintain your current relationships. Let’s discover all of that in the paragraphs that follow.
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Identify and understand why you feel lonely
In any problematic situation, you have to start by identifying and understanding why you’re facing this issue. In this case, you have to identify and understand why you feel lonely. It’s not enough to say, “I feel lonely.” No. You have to go deeper to get to the heart of the reasons for this solitude and not continue being sad. The emptiness you feel can be filled.
Try to answer these questions:
- Why do I feel lonely?
- Since when/How often/At what times do I feel lonely?
- Which of my friends, family, and loved ones make me feel lonely?
- What can I do when I feel lonely?
Why do I feel lonely?: Your solitude could be caused by the fact that you don’t have a lot of friends. You’ve just arrived in a country or city that you don’t know and you’re having trouble meeting people. Or maybe you’re shy and can’t manage to make friends. You could also be the only person who’s single or isn’t a parent, out of all of your friends. There could be a long list of reasons for why you feel alone, but you must be able to know why you feel this emptiness.
Since when/How often/At what times do I feel lonely? Have you been feeling lonely for a while, or is this relatively recent? How long have you felt this way? Do you feel lonely at precise times? Sometimes you could feel an emptiness when you think about a loved one you lost. You must identify the length and frequency of your feelings of loneliness.
Which of my friends, family, and loved ones make me feel lonely?: Just because you have lots of friends – or, rather, acquaintances – doesn’t mean you feel togetherness, support, being listened to, loved, etc. In fact, sometimes when we have too many acquaintances, we end up feeling lonely.
This kind of solitude is one thing that might be making you sad. It’s also possible that you have a habit of keeping up toxic relationships. These relationships can only be bad for you and will make you feel lonely.
What can I do when I feel lonely?: You can take advantage of this time to write down what you think and feel. This is an exercise that will help you relax but also get out everything you feel about your loneliness. The idea is to write down whatever comes to mind about your feelings of solitude. You can also take some time each morning to meditate.
Even 5 minutes (although the ideal minimum is at least 10) of meditation can do you good. There are a lot of free apps that can help you get started. It’s a good way to get to the heart of your loneliness, understand it, and find one or even several solutions. If writing or meditating doesn’t really appeal to you, you can always go to a coach or even a therapist, for example.
This will allow you to talk confidentially with someone who will listen and help you with your loneliness. You may simply be going through a difficult time but it’s also possible that your loneliness is being caused by an issue like depression. So, there’s nothing to lose if you go see a coach or therapist, and everything to gain.
Take time to talk with and listen to a friend
You probably have a friend you trust. Take time to go see that friend, to talk to them and listen to what they have to say. Share what you feel with them, ask if they’ve ever felt something similar. You can even choose to talk to a family member or a coworker, it doesn’t matter what role they have in your life – you just have to feel confident that you can confide in them.
The simple act of expressing what you feel will help you make progress. And never underestimate the support and good advice your friends and loved ones can give you. Even if you don’t always feel like they understand you, just the right word or moment can help you feel better.
If you don’t know who you could talk to among the people you know, a coach or therapist are excellent alternatives, as is simply expressing what you feel in writing.
Be active – and stay that way
The problem with solitude is that it can make you isolate yourself from others, when you need to do the opposite. Sure, everyone has their own personality and temperament. That said, instead of always thinking about the emptiness you feel, do things that make you feel good.
There must be something that you can do alone that would give you a sensation of wellbeing. Don’t hesitate to try new things, whether they’re ideas you’ve had for a while, or something you would never have imagined. These activities may allow you to meet people and not feel lonely anymore.
Enjoy your solitude
I know, it might seem strange to say it, but enjoy your solitude. Have you ever heard people complain about something they’d like to do, but can’t because their significant other or someone else is stopping them? I hear a lot of people say, “I would really have liked to do this or that but I’m not on my own, so I can’t.”
Look at being alone as something lucky. You’re lucky that you can do what you want, when you want, anytime you want. Think of your solitude as freedom, not as a prison.
Take advantage of all the possibilities life offers you because you’re alone and able to take part. You don’t need to ask anyone’s opinion to do what you want, so go for it. You want to go see a film? Go see it! You want to eat at 2 o’clock instead of noon – do it! Enjoy not having to take care of anyone but you. Pamper yourself.
Get a pet
Many pets only ask to be loved and pampered. Why not get a cat, dog, or any other animal that you’d like? You’ll have a loyal companion by your side and your feelings of loneliness will quickly dissipate. Be prepared, however, to give your pet essential care and attention. A pet must be cared for and if you choose to adopt one, you must be committed to doing this. Be careful, too, not to isolate yourself with your pet. Don’t cut yourself off from the world just because you have a cat or dog with you. Keep things in perspective.
Go out and see people
Even if you’re not interested in meeting people on a superficial level, life is full of surprises. Get out, see people. Don’t close yourself off, and stay home, sad and lonely.
Enjoy what life has to offer. Do a team sport or another activity that involves other people. Go on an organized group excursion or choose a youth hostel where you sleep in a dormitory rather than a single room. Increase your opportunities to meet other people and make new friends. Sometimes, all it takes is meeting one person and you’ll feel less alone and sad. Push yourself to meet others but don’t force yourself to make friends at any cost. Enjoy the present moment and all of its potential.
Visit friends and loved ones you haven’t seen in a long time. Change your habits and surroundings. Meet new people. Take the first step and don’t wait for everything to immediately fall into place.
Learn to like being alone
As I said earlier, learn to like being alone. This is the key to happiness, my dear. If you can enjoy being alone and feel good on your own, you’ve won at life.
The problem is that many women think they’re happy only when they have a boyfriend and are in love. But that’s a completely false, even dangerous way to think. The most important thing is, first, to be happy on your own. If you’re waiting for someone to make you happy and help you feel less alone, you’re not doing things right.
You have everything you need to feel happy even when you’re on your own. Go deeper. Think about the woman you really are. Discover what truly makes you happy. Listen to what’s inside you. Don’t let anyone influence or discourage you.
Solitude can be extremely beneficial, but you must believe that and do everything you can to make the most of it.
Keep in mind, too, that some women are in a relationship but feel terribly alone. That’s horrible, isn’t it? So, pull yourself together and think about how fortunate you are.
You’ll be surprised to discover all the positive things that happen when you’re able to be happy with yourself and for yourself. And if you’re looking for love, trust me: you’ll find it if you learn to be happy on your own.
You see, if you feel lonely, there are many ways to stop feeling that way. You should start by identifying and understanding why you feel lonely before going any further. Ask yourself all of the questions that are in your mind and try to answer them in order to move ahead.
Talk to a friend or someone you trust. Motivate yourself, get moving, be active and stay that way. Adopt a dog, cat, or any pet you’d like. Meet people; don’t stay closed in on yourself. And above all, discover the advantages of being on your own. Learn to like and enjoy all of the good things about being alone.