Over and over again, we say to beginners that women rank men’s physique and appearance in fifth and fourth place respectively. It’s true that some women give more weight to these things than others but it’s clear that in terms of women’s list of criteria, this is the rank order:
- Self confidence
- Sense of humor
With this as a starting point, it’s time to get serious: a well-dressed man will have more success with women, at least in the first phase – seduction – because he will have jumped the first hurdle.
In those early stages, women are certainly not blind. They don’t know you yet, so what is going to attract them to you? What is going to give them more information about this guy who dares to talk to them? Your appearance! One quick look and the first impression is already formed. A dodgy appearance will immediately put you out of the running. Remember: ‘You only have one chance to make a good first impression’. Those of you who are new players are probably thinking that you can succeed wearing any old things, and that it’s like taking on a challenge with a slight handicap to make it interesting … but all you are really doing is just making an already difficult situation worse.
For beginners, if you don’t want to bring down your value immediately (even if you went to a very good school!) then work on your appearance. OK, it’s not THE most important thing but it’s important all the same. First, you should please yourself; that will boost your personal confidence. We’ve already seen that self-confidence is No 1 on the list. Then when you are past the first barrier, you can play the game without the handicap and freely express your personality, your inner self.
Start with all the things that you like. Visit clothes shops, go window-shopping, look at fashion magazines. If you see people wearing something you like, ask them where they found it. That’s the way to start. From there, you’ll make subtle progress towards matching your outward appearance with the real you. Then one day you’ll feel that your clothes are right, that they reflect your personality. It will feel right at every level. You won’t have the total answer but you will have reached a crucial point. It’s one aspect of congruence: ‘becoming’ on the inside and letting it show on the outside.