Lately, I’ve been getting more and more interesting questions on our service, the Net Seduction Coaching.
The most recent one comes to me from Yasser (in Paris) who asked me to give some concrete answers about THE most sensitive subject in the world of romantic relationships, which constantly comes back to the surface, and which has caused much ink to be spilled:
Who should pay the bill, the man or the woman??
I’ll show you his letter and my reply.
Before getting down to details, let me congratulate you for all the great work you’ve done by developing this wonderful and very informative site! A big thank you, you’ve simply changed my life.
I decided to take your Net coaching, because I need your expert advice… In fact, I’m going out on a date with a very pretty girl, who I have a super connection with, but there’s one thing that’s bothering me: I’ve always been the one who paid when I went out on dates with other girls, and I read in one of your articles that I shouldn’t do that, so I decided to do things differently with this new girl: Could you enlighten me on the subject, Kamal? Am I the one who should pay on the first date? Should she be paying too? If so, how can I get her to offer her share, subtly!?
Thanks in advance Kamal,
Thank you for your very interesting letter, and for your trust.
The subject of your question is very important, and it makes me happy to bring you all the answers you need.
So let’s get started!
You’re undoubtedly aware that the notorious question “ who should pay ? ” has always been the scariest question that every modern man constantly has to ask himself.
In the old days, the answer to this question wasn’t so complicated. But today, with all the changes our world has undergone, and especially the world of male/female relationships – the modern man can no longer think and behave the way his father did: Each misstep could be fatal, and can destroy the foundation of a romantic relationship, before it’s even begun!
The start of the relationship : The first month
When you get together with a girl during the very first weeks of your relationship, you are, of course, the one who usually invites the young lady out on a date, just so you can get to know each other a little better.
These first few weeks give you the opportunity to show you’re a man who fully grasps the social dynamics of any relationship between a man and a woman. Therefore, on those first dates, YOU will be the one who pays the check. Don’t even think about overlooking this oh so important little detail : Girls will judge you right from the very first date, so keep in mind, a misstep could be deadly for the future course of events.
As I explained in one of my articles about first dates, choosing the right place to meet is utterly crucial. Knowing now that YOU will be paying for everything on the 1st date, it’s hardly necessary for me to remind you that it’s URGENT to avoid going to very fancy or very sophisticated restaurants… By trying to impress her, you’ll drive her away. Leave that kind of behavior to guys who fail. The losers.
A trendy pub, a lounge, or even a nice café are first class ideas! You can actually pay for one or two drinks without the tab destroying your bank account, and still be a decent gentleman!
The formula is simple: YOU invite = YOU pay.
The second to third month of the relationship
At this stage, things are growing clearer between the two you. Already, you will be able to tell whether this girl is more or less interested in you and really enjoys being around you. If so, it suggests that you’re nearly on the right track if you want to talk about seduction.
However, this isn’t the time to sit back and tell yourself your job is finished!
Instead, this is where the real work of seduction begins, knowing that at this point in the relationship, her level of interest concerning you, is around 50%… Your mission is therefore to increase this level of interest, by
… seducing her!
As I pointed out earlier, at that stage of the relationship, the parameters of the relationship are no longer the same: The lady has to start making an effort, knowing that in the end, YOU are the PRIZE!
If she initiates and/or suggests a date so you can get together, keep things simple: SHE is the one who has to pay.
So you have to let her take the initiative AND the pay the check, girls aren’t stupid, they know exactly what they’re doing. I always noticed when I go out with a girl (who’s interesting) that in a much-appreciated reflex, she inevitably says:
“No, leave it, this one’s on me”
Some romantic types, who are a little misguided, refuse the offer and answer:
“No, it’s out of the question, I’m the man, I’m the one who pays.”
A sentence that can be translated:
“No, it’s out of the question, I’m the idiot, I’m the one who pays”
Let’s analyze this a little
When you let your sweetheart pay from time to time, she’s officially declaring her imminent commitment to the relationship. She’s investing her time, her availability AND her money. Which is a very good sign, a heartwarming sign, right?
On the other hand, acting like romantic guy, categorically refusing to let her pay, means ensuring that the princess will eventually get bored and realize she’s just going out with another loser guy who thinks he can buy her love and attention with his money.
He’s missing his opportunity to let her invest in the relationship, and thereby the opportunity to increase her level of interest. He’ll end up listening to the superb song, “ Let’s stay friends ! ”
A song that I absolutely do not want you to hear ;)
Tip: The 2 +1 rule
After the 3rd month, if everything goes well, you’re now boyfriend /girlfriend. The question of “who should pay” resurfaces. You’ll want to start using a little rule that I’ve named the 2 +1 rule.
For every 3 dates, you should pay for 2, and she should pay for one. To simplify things, you can, for example, pay for dinner, while she pays for drinks. This establishes a clear and harmonious balance within the relationship. Which is good for the health of your life as a couple.
This rule isn’t mandatory, the important thing here is that you let her know that she is indeed engaged in the relationship, and in your activities as a couple.
In summary, keep in mind that during the first dates it’s your job to pay, while still letting her pay, WHEN she takes the initiative and decides to pick up the check.
Never turn down that kind of opportunity, because it let you know that she’s getting ready to invest in your relationship; It sends the message that you’re not a loser, and quite simply, just a guy who’s different, and therefore interesting.
I wish you a very happy life.