Romantic relationships are not always as perfect and happy as we see through the rose-tinted lenses of romantic comedies and TV movies. As you know, building a relationship and sustaining it over the long term require sacrifice, compromise, and balance. Indeed, our personalities and behaviors can lead to tensions, imbalances, and therefore a weakening of our union.
Some “flaws,” then, weigh more than others in the balance, and may highlight a lack of confidence. This is the case with jealousy, which is always destructive. The question that then arises is how to overcome this reflex, which can quickly become extreme. How can you manage a relationship of this type?
When I say jealousy, what do you think of?
This is the first question to ask yourself. When we’re facing an enemy, we have to start by knowing it, defining it, in order to attack its weakest points. So let’s look at the psychology of a jealous woman. Lets try to explain her behavior – her possessiveness and tendency to lash out when she feels threatened.
First, we can identify a lack of self-confidence. Clearly, a jealous person’s tendency to belittle and think less of herself comes from a fear of competition with others. Bad reactions are physical evidence of a fear of being abandoned or ignored.
Once we understand this fact, it becomes easier to understand what your partner needs from you: affirmation. She needs to know that you love her, that she’s the only one who matters to you, and that she can trust in you.
Now, I know you’re going to say that a relationship is an exchange and that each of you has your own life. That is nothing to worry about if you can understand the important of genuinely respecting your girlfriend and treating her well.
The more she realizes that even around other people, you won’t abandon her, the less she will doubt herself. This is a logical and natural process that will go in your favor, even if you need to be reassuring and put effort into proving your attachment.
The details that matter when you have a jealous partner
A woman who isn’t confident won’t feel comfortable with an overly independent man who doesn’t think about the consequences of his decisions. It isn’t a question of being wrapped around her little finger, but trying to overcome your partner’s jealousy together.
Some small gestures can prove to her how much you care about her and want to help her overcome this issue.
The first is to open the debate honestly and calmly at a good moment (so, not in the middle of a total freak-out). Make an effort to explain that yes, her jealousy makes you feel loved, but it is also a burden at times. Tell her that the needier she is, the less fun it is to be around her, and that this is a normal reaction. You need to trust each other, that is the basis of a relationship.
Make an effort to show her that she can trust you, that she has nothing to worry about. When you’re out, don’t check out other women. If you’re out with friends, sending her a text message or two lets her know that she’s on your mind even when you’re not together.
A jealous woman does not want to feel rejected. It’s up to you to prove to her that you are confident in your bond, and that she has nothing to worry about, especially not another woman. After all, you know exactly what you would be losing, and you have no idea what you might get in exchange.
Pitfalls to avoid when you have a jealous girlfriend
Though it’s reasonable to expect you to let your girlfriend know how much you care about her, you can’t let her jealousy dominate your relationship. What she needs to understand is that if jealousy becomes abusive or aggressive, no good will come of it.
It would be crazy to cancel a party or a night out with friends just because of a little spat. You have to show her that, though you understand where she’s coming from, she can’t use her jealousy as an excuse to control your every move.
Stay calm, and explain to her that spending time apart, doing things on your own, and not always being connected at the hip, will give you something to look forward to when you come home.
Don’t give in to her demands to see your phone, listen to your personal messages, or to check your calls, even though you have nothing to hide. Giving in to her will just encourage this kind of behavior. If necessary, turn off your phone and let her calm down.
The work to be done is primarily a work of personal acceptance. And, though you can help, she has to make the first move herself – she has to realize that she has nothing to fear and that she is loved. Beyond that, there’s not much you can do. You can’t just lock yourself in your apartment and stop living just because your girlfriend doesn’t want you to have a life separate from hers.
Of course, jealousy is expressed in different forms and to varying degrees. It is important to talk calmly but stand your ground. Don’t let her think that she’ll lose you if she isn’t possessive enough. It is your responsibility to make her understand that, on the contrary, it’s exactly that kind of behavior that will push you away.
So if you really want to stay together, you now know that your goal is to demonstrate to your partner that you appreciate her and that you would never leave her. You love her for exactly who she is, so it’s pointless to even be jealous of other women.
Just the thought that she is going to lose you can cause her to invent problems where none exist. If you both understand this, you’ll look at the whole situation differently!
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