Want to literally become the man of her dreams? The one she fantasizes about as she drifts to sleep? The answer is simple – and it’s not about what’s in your pants or your wallet! The secret to success in bed, like in most areas, is self-confidence.
When we talk about intimacy, confidence is the most important thing – okay, okay, size matters, too – bust confidence matters even more. Self-confidence alone can make the difference between a huge geek and a total sex god. It’s not because you’re good in bed or have special skills, but because your charisma makes you sexy and exciting. If you have ever had thoughts like “I don’t deserve to be in the same room as this bombshell” or “I shouldn’t even be breathing the same air as her,” you sure don’t have any chance of sleeping with her! A good lover acts confidently, without fear and without apology. His actions give the message “this guy knows what he’s doing.”
A good lover wants to have sex – he’s not afraid of it! His confidence overcomes any lack of experience or ignorance. Is she going to think you’re behaving strangely in bed? Not if you’re absolutely sure of your actions – she’ll come to think that SHE is the one lacking practice! How could such a confident man NOT know what he’s doing?
What does confidence look like?
Imagine the entire room is at the bottom a pool, and you and your partner are trying to make love underwater. This is just about the rate you need to take. Your movements should be slow and purposeful. This tells your partner: “I ‘m not nervous; I’m not stressed – I’m in control, so you can just relax.”
Obviously, as things heat up and you two find a good rhythm, you can increase the pace – just don’t let things get to jack-hammer level! Act like you have all the time in the world, and you want her to enjoy it as much as you do. Women don’t like men who move too fast, especially if it means that they – ahem – give into their excitement too quickly. They prefer those who take their time – men who act with confidence and know-how.
The long and the short of it (okay, hopefully just the long of it!) is that sex, like any other social phenomenon, comes down to psychology. Showing confidence (even if you are actually scared to death) will let you pass for a talented and seasoned lover. The key is to sell yourself!
What does sexual confidence look like?
In the end, sexual confidence means that you know what you are doing – and you can figure out what you are doing by getting and following good advice (like what you can find in this column!) and by getting good experience. Experience isn’t going to just knock on your door. (On a related note, half-naked, hot girls also aren’t going to knock on your door, unless you’re starring in a bad porno film, so get out of the hosue already!) You have to seize opportunities as they come, and put your confidence to the test!
The best way to do this is by meeting and sleeping with different women. By “pretending” that you know what you’re doing, you develop your practical knowledge. Repeat this pattern long enough, and soon you won’t need to pretend. Every new encounter is a chance to gain the skills and knowledge that will help you become the lover of her dreams! Sex is learned on the job, so get to work! (I’ll leave the seduction tips to Kamal and the rest of the team.)
Are you going to make mistakes along the way? Sure! But don’t worry, and don’t make a big deal about it. Mistakes are the best way to learn! In fact, they can work to your advantage. A guy who’s good in bed but makes a mistake from time to time gives his partner the impression that he’s not a man-whore – that there must be something special about her that made him take the plunge!
Become good at bed by avoiding ‘performance anxiety’
Above, I mentioned the possibility of mistakes or accidents – like coming too quickly. How can you manage what could be seen as a failure? Good question! First, don’t make a big deal about it – all is not lost! You’re still in bed with a naked woman, after all! The show must go on! Shift the focus to her pleasure, and use the other resources at your disposal. If you go down on your partner, she’s likely to return the favor, and there is nothing like a blow job to give you both a second chance for the evening!
Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself. The average woman isn’t a sexpert, either! So just enjoy the moment. Enjoy every second of the action and focus on what you’re feeling. It can be very good even if it doesn’t last as long as you’d like.
To share my experiences with you, I’ll tell you about this girl I met in southern France. We had a crazy one-night-stand – but things did not start well. Our first try ended sooner than I would have liked, and I didn’t know how to react. Luckily, she kept the action going, and we had 7 more tries times that night – and one in the morning! On the way home to Paris, I could still hear her cries of passion in my ears. Once I got home, I saw she’d called several times, telling me to come back soon! The moral of the story is – don’t let one failure put the brakes on the action. Women know that all men experience this – and the only true failure would be to give up!
In short, to be the man of her dreams, you have to get rid of your fears, have self-confidence, and be able to ignore the pressure. Practice makes perfect, and she’ll never forget that perfect evening!
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