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“Love lasts three years”… here is everything you need to know!

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Love lasts three years

“Love lasts 3 years” isn’t just the title of a book by Frédéric Beigbeder or the film based on it.

When someone says that love lasts three years (the rough equivalent of Anglo-Saxons’ concept of the “seven year itch”), it’s also a reference to a biochemical theory.

It seems that divorce most commonly happens after three years of living together. In biochemical terms, love is a combination of oxytocin, dopamine, prolactin, noradrenaline and luliberin. Intense feelings of happiness are released by phenethylamine (PEA), while tenderness is associated with endorphins.

So, that’s the biochemical aspect. But in reality, the real question is, how it is possible to love the same, single person, whereas we can have many friends throughout our life? 3 years of love and that’s it? How long does love last?

Why does love last 3 years?

It seems that, in order to have a life span that’s prolonged by 10 years, and to be in good health, you have to have around a dozen sexual relations a month. Okay, fine, but does love really last 3 years?

If we say that love lasts 3 years, it’s because of the signs given off by scents. Let’s look at a concrete example: My friend, if someone makes you smell the scent (of sweat or another body odor) of a man you’ve just met and fallen for, you’ll find something pleasing about it. But if you do the same experiment three years later, you’ll find something unpleasant about these smells. But why?

It’s physiological. Over time, pleasure hormones diminish. But don’t worry – you still have oxytocin, which is the attachment hormone. That means you have to stimulate this hormone. In order to do that, you have to banish the humdrum feeling of the routine from setting in by adding some creativity to your relationship. Be novel if you want more than 3 years of love.

So, in theory, love lasts 3 years, maybe less. But in practice, it’s different. It’s clear that the way you felt when you fell in love at the beginning of your relationship won’t remain intact over the years. But this doesn’t mean that a couple who’s been together for 3 years is sure to fail and fall out of love. No. Anyway, surely you know a couple who loves each other and that’s remained solid for many years. This may even be the case for you, and you’re only reading this because you’re in a rough patch (something normal for a relationship and generally when we talk about love).

You have to be aware of what defines and makes up love. Sex, a real bond, kindness, tenderness, etc. All of this can last for your entire life as long as it’s well maintained.

The key is to take real pleasure in sharing your life with your partner. There are and always will be rough patches in love. You have to know how to overcome them to make your relationship last and remain solid.

3 years of love and then…?

3 years of love and then you go on loving each other…or not…

Honestly, it all depends on the couple. Every love story is different and specific to each couple. There are far too many elements to consider when it comes to making a relationship last or go bust. The most important thing is to continue to discover and remain interested in each other.

But the most important part of that is to truly discover and know oneself. You have to discover and know both yourself and your partner. Why? Because all too often, we idealize the other person. Then, when we realize that this ideal doesn’t fit with who our partner is in reality, we take a big fall. 3 years of love can certainly go on.

You have to bear in mind that human beings exist to reproduce. So, when a man and a woman are attracted to each other, they experience a sort of addiction that makes them happy when they’re together and unhappy when they’re apart. I talked about scent a bit earlier. Well, scent subconsciously guides a man and a woman into becoming partners. Of course, it’s not just scents that guide us when it comes to love. Biologically speaking, every month a woman has an egg that’s waiting to be fertilized. When that’s accomplished, she’ll be completely devoted to the growth of a child for 9 months.

For a man, it’s different. Every day he produces millions of spermatozoids, and his objective is to use one to fertilize a woman’s egg. To put it clearly, a woman is going to seek out a partner who can go the distance when she’s pregnant and then to help raise the child who’ll be born. Naturally, she’s looking for a man who’s strong in every sense of the word and who can provide material resources. For a man, it’s a different story. He wants a woman who will carry his child and pass on his genes.

So, 3 years of love and then, the secret is to let go of dependency in order to give room to happiness in a relationship. This is the most important thing: that a man and a woman feel good together. This feeling can grow and be sustained in different ways: sharing things and doing activities together, talking to each other, laughing like kids, etc. You have to focus on the essential and have common values that will allow you to remain solid and on the same wavelength.

How long does love last?

It all depends on what you do with this love. The question “How long does love last?” doesn’t have a single, definitive answer. Love can last a lifetime or a few seconds. If love only lasts 3 years, then why are there still so many couples who’ve stayed together for much longer?

You can’t make yourself fall in love. On the other hand, you have to take care to ask your partner questions in order to really know them and not be content to simply live in the clouds. People always say that the first moments of a love story are the most beautiful and that after, it’s less wonderful. However, you have to keep your feet on the ground and not idealize your partner. So, in order to know how long love lasts between people, there is no exact response. There is no standard duration of love.

You could say that love lasts for 3 years because that’s the amount of time you need to have a child and for it to become autonomous. During this period, a person doesn’t pay attention to the faults of their partner because they often find them perfect. But after these 3 years, you see a lot more faults in the other person.

So yes, the love and passion at the start of a love affair will naturally end up losing their intensity. But those aren’t the only things that count when it comes to love, fortunately. You have to remember the pleasure of being with your partner and sharing things together, the desire to be together just the two of you, and succeed in understanding each other. The pleasure that you feel with your partner – that’s what will maintain your relationship as the years go by. Whatever challenges you face, if that pleasure is maintained, love can last a lot longer than 3 years, in a different way.

It’s important not to base your experience on fairytales because love has absolutely nothing to do with “they lived happily ever after.” Love is a lot more complex than that, and even if there are some times when everything seems perfect, it’s not a constant – and the fact that this is the case doesn’t stop you from loving each other for more than 3 years.

There are clear reasons to say that love lasts 3 years, but that doesn’t mean you have to go your separate ways after 3 years in a relationship. Every human being changes and evolves over the course of their life. You mustn’t have any illusions about or idealize your partner. You have to keep your feet on the ground and tell yourself that love has different phases.

The passion of the first days you were together won’t necessarily be eternal but there are other ways to make love last in a relationship. You have to maintain the pleasure that you experience when you’re together.

And there’s another important thing that we don’t talk about enough: egotism. In love, you have to be egotistical. In other words, you can’t force yourself to stay with someone if you don’t get any pleasure from being with them. You have to be egotistical for two things: loving yourself above all and loving to be with the other person. If each partner keeps this in mind, then love can last as long as you maintain it.

What do you think about all this? Do you believe that love only lasts 3 years? Have you felt a difference when you reached the three-year mark with a partner? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Radio Silence To Get Your Ex Back: Here is How to Do it !

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radio silence

Radio silence is a technique people often use to get back their ex.

If you’re here, you’re obviously looking for a way to get your ex back. You think you’ve tried everything: you’ve bombarded him with messages, excuses, loving words, promises…. And nothing. No sign from him, or simply a refusal to see or speak to you again.

This is where radio silence comes in. We could call it radio ex silence, since it will let you get your ex back. But radio silence is more than just a name; it’s something that has to be done according to certain conditions. Since we’re talking about radio silence after a breakup, you have to understand and accept the breakup in order for this technique to actually work.

Post-breakup radio silence

Radio silence after a breakup has to be done in a careful way. Post-breakup radio silence means taking some distance from your ex in order to come back to him. The idea is to make your ex miss you. This can reawaken his feelings for you and make him want to come back into your arms.

Of course, this isn’t about simply cutting off all contact with them and waiting for time to pass until one day you find him at your door, whispering sweet nothings. On the contrary, radio silence will allow you to take back control of the situation and of your emotions. It will allow you to no longer either need his affection, nor to be chasing after him.

That’s it, there’s the control that will be a concrete sign of change in your ex’s eyes. You’re going to surprise him by how confident you are. But your ex won’t be the only one who’s affected by your radio silence. It will also affect you, since it will allow you to catch your breath and regain confidence in yourself and your life.

Keep in mind that this period of post-breakup radio silence won’t always be easy, especially at the beginning. It will also be a challenge for your ex, whatever you might think. Your ex will do everything to show you that everything is going well for him, but men do that to hide their real emotions. You’re going to simply do the same, in a balanced, healthy way, to take control of your life and win him back in an intelligent way.

How long should radio silence last?

No doubt you’re wondering how long your radio silence has to last. It’s a totally normal and logical question. Before answering I’d like for you to carefully read what follows.

Like I said before, radio silence isn’t just about cutting off all contact with your ex and waiting for time to pass.

With radio silence, you have to make your ex want to get back together with you. You have to make him miss you, in order to get him back, little by little. With this technique, you’re going to give him space, which will allow him – and you – to take some distance. This silence will do him good, but it will also be beneficial for you, and let you reflect on yourself, your life, and your feelings for him.

If your ex was used to you always being behind him, always available and at his beck and call, this will be the complete opposite. He’s going to notice that, and he’ll miss you. But of course, you have to stick to the rules in order for your radio silence to work.

So, how long should radio silence last? Obviously, radio silence shouldn’t go on forever. But you should wait enough time for it to work before ending it. If your radio silence lasts 2 or 3 days, it will be completely useless, and you won’t be able to win back your ex. If your radio silence lasts one year, that’s way too long and he may have moved on….

Every relationship, every breakup, every radio silence is unique. I could tell you to cut off all contact with your ex for 2 weeks, for 1 month, or more. But really, you’re the one who’s able to judge the best time limit. To help guide you, tell yourself that your radio silence should last at least 2 weeks. Now, you also have to take into account how long your relationship lasted, why you broke up, and the general circumstances. Your radio silence (which should be extreme in the first days and weeks) could then evolve into keeping your distance.

Radio silence when you’re in love

Radio silence when you’re in love is a truly useful technique. Whether you’ve been together for 6 months, 1 year or more, the intensity of your feelings could still be just as strong, regardless of how long you’ve been seeing each other. This means the lack of closeness will really be felt.

Practicing radio silence with your ex isn’t easy at first but like everything else, you’ll end up being able to do it. And remember that you should never, never give in for any reason. Interrupting radio silence when you’ve only put it in place for 1 week is going to drastically reduce your chances of winning back your ex. You have to seem strong and sure of yourself in order to best use this technique.

Radio silence means no contact with your ex in any way. No text messages, no phone calls, no “likes” on his Facebook profile, no reactions on his Instagram. Nothing. Zero signs from you towards him, even if he’s in a post by someone you both know. Total radio silence.

You may want to bend the rules, but it would be a shame to ruin all of your hard work in just a few seconds. To keep from giving in, keep yourself busy. Go out, see your friends and family, go to the gym or do activities that interest you. The busier you are, the less you’ll be tempted to break your radio silence.

Tell yourself that you have to keep up this period of radio silence so that you can be at your best physically and mentally. When you end your radio silence, you’ll be at the top of your game because don’t forget, you want to get your ex back. If you don’t look down in the dumps and you’ve let yourself go, your ex won’t want to get back together. On the other hand, if you’re in shape and exuding good vibes, your ex will be seduced and want to get back together with you.

Ending your radio silence
The fateful moment of ending your radio silence. Yes, like I said, radio silence shouldn’t go on for an eternity; there will be a point when you have to break it.

Bravo! You’ve kept several weeks of total silence and haven’t given in and contacted your ex even once. Now it’s time to change your radio silence. Be careful, though, not to rush, because even ending your radio silence has to be done in an intelligent way. Just because you’ve held off from contacting your ex for so long doesn’t mean that now you can bombard him with messages and make the same mistakes you did before. No.

When it comes to the best way to end your radio silence, you have several options. You can simply send a text message to your ex or you could react to one of his recent social media posts. It’s up to you to decide how you want to come back into his life. But be careful not to spread yourself thin, reacting to everything he’s done lately. Choose a single method and don’t go overboard.

If you want, you could even choose to send him a handwritten letter. This is often considered the best way to end a radio silence, but honestly, it doesn’t matter what method you choose. If you’ve maintained this total silence, you can end it the way that seems best to you, as long as you remain poised and don’t harass your ex.

A man’s radio silence

Once you’ve decided to end your radio silence, expect two reactions from your ex: either he’ll reply to you immediately or in the days that follow, or he won’t respond at all. A man’s radio silence can be his way to “avenge” himself for yours.

Don’t see anything bad in this; consider it a man’s natural reaction. Your silence probably deeply hurt your ex, so he thinks he shouldn’t come back to you whenever you feel like it. He could be trying to make you long for him, but in any case, you absolutely must not give in to his behavior and you must not spoil your own radio silence. Don’t forget that you must not show that you want his love but, rather, that you’re in control. What you want is to win him back in order to rebuild your couple on a healthy, solid foundation. You don’t want to make the same mistakes that led to your breakup.

Basically, a man’s radio silence shows that he was affected by your radio silence and that he’ll either come back to you or won’t. In the meantime, you’ll have taken enough distance from the situation to accept what will happen next and continue to move forward, with or without him.

Radio silence can be a good way to win back your ex, but most importantly it will let you take care of yourself. You can use this time to take some distance and reflect on what you want. Maintain radio silence for at least 2 weeks (ideally 3 or 4 weeks) but adapt it based on the reasons for your breakup and how long you were in a relationship with your ex.

If you’ve already used the radio silence technique with your ex, talk about it in the comments and share your experiences so that we can explore this subject more deeply, together.

Here is Why You Feel Lonely – And What to Do About It Right Now

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feeling lonely

Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling.

It’s not always easy to understand why you feel this way, and it’s even harder to know how to change it.

There could be several reasons why you feel lonely, and they could be voluntary or involuntary. Sometimes you want to be alone but other times you want to be around others. Whatever the case, it’s possible to enjoy and benefit from being alone.

And you can also stop being alone.

If you often think, “I feel lonely,” well, let’s look at why that is, and how to stop feeling this way. You’re going to learn how to enjoy your own company, how to meet other people, and how to maintain your current relationships. Let’s discover all of that in the paragraphs that follow.

READ ALSO : Platonic Love — Everything you need to know

Identify and understand why you feel lonely

In any problematic situation, you have to start by identifying and understanding why you’re facing this issue. In this case, you have to identify and understand why you feel lonely. It’s not enough to say, “I feel lonely.” No. You have to go deeper to get to the heart of the reasons for this solitude and not continue being sad. The emptiness you feel can be filled.

Try to answer these questions:

  • Why do I feel lonely?
  • Since when/How often/At what times do I feel lonely?
  • Which of my friends, family, and loved ones make me feel lonely?
  • What can I do when I feel lonely?

 

Why do I feel lonely?: Your solitude could be caused by the fact that you don’t have a lot of friends. You’ve just arrived in a country or city that you don’t know and you’re having trouble meeting people. Or maybe you’re shy and can’t manage to make friends. You could also be the only person who’s single or isn’t a parent, out of all of your friends. There could be a long list of reasons for why you feel alone, but you must be able to know why you feel this emptiness.

Since when/How often/At what times do I feel lonely? Have you been feeling lonely for a while, or is this relatively recent? How long have you felt this way? Do you feel lonely at precise times? Sometimes you could feel an emptiness when you think about a loved one you lost. You must identify the length and frequency of your feelings of loneliness.

Which of my friends, family, and loved ones make me feel lonely?: Just because you have lots of friends – or, rather, acquaintances – doesn’t mean you feel togetherness, support, being listened to, loved, etc. In fact, sometimes when we have too many acquaintances, we end up feeling lonely.

This kind of solitude is one thing that might be making you sad. It’s also possible that you have a habit of keeping up toxic relationships. These relationships can only be bad for you and will make you feel lonely.

What can I do when I feel lonely?: You can take advantage of this time to write down what you think and feel. This is an exercise that will help you relax but also get out everything you feel about your loneliness. The idea is to write down whatever comes to mind about your feelings of solitude. You can also take some time each morning to meditate.

Even 5 minutes (although the ideal minimum is at least 10) of meditation can do you good. There are a lot of free apps that can help you get started. It’s a good way to get to the heart of your loneliness, understand it, and find one or even several solutions. If writing or meditating doesn’t really appeal to you, you can always go to a coach or even a therapist, for example.

This will allow you to talk confidentially with someone who will listen and help you with your loneliness. You may simply be going through a difficult time but it’s also possible that your loneliness is being caused by an issue like depression. So, there’s nothing to lose if you go see a coach or therapist, and everything to gain.

Take time to talk with and listen to a friend

You probably have a friend you trust. Take time to go see that friend, to talk to them and listen to what they have to say. Share what you feel with them, ask if they’ve ever felt something similar. You can even choose to talk to a family member or a coworker, it doesn’t matter what role they have in your life – you just have to feel confident that you can confide in them.

The simple act of expressing what you feel will help you make progress. And never underestimate the support and good advice your friends and loved ones can give you. Even if you don’t always feel like they understand you, just the right word or moment can help you feel better.

If you don’t know who you could talk to among the people you know, a coach or therapist are excellent alternatives, as is simply expressing what you feel in writing.

Be active – and stay that way

The problem with solitude is that it can make you isolate yourself from others, when you need to do the opposite. Sure, everyone has their own personality and temperament. That said, instead of always thinking about the emptiness you feel, do things that make you feel good.

There must be something that you can do alone that would give you a sensation of wellbeing. Don’t hesitate to try new things, whether they’re ideas you’ve had for a while, or something you would never have imagined. These activities may allow you to meet people and not feel lonely anymore.

Enjoy your solitude

I know, it might seem strange to say it, but enjoy your solitude. Have you ever heard people complain about something they’d like to do, but can’t because their significant other or someone else is stopping them? I hear a lot of people say, “I would really have liked to do this or that but I’m not on my own, so I can’t.”

Look at being alone as something lucky. You’re lucky that you can do what you want, when you want, anytime you want. Think of your solitude as freedom, not as a prison.

Take advantage of all the possibilities life offers you because you’re alone and able to take part. You don’t need to ask anyone’s opinion to do what you want, so go for it. You want to go see a film? Go see it! You want to eat at 2 o’clock instead of noon – do it! Enjoy not having to take care of anyone but you. Pamper yourself.

Get a pet

Many pets only ask to be loved and pampered. Why not get a cat, dog, or any other animal that you’d like? You’ll have a loyal companion by your side and your feelings of loneliness will quickly dissipate. Be prepared, however, to give your pet essential care and attention. A pet must be cared for and if you choose to adopt one, you must be committed to doing this. Be careful, too, not to isolate yourself with your pet. Don’t cut yourself off from the world just because you have a cat or dog with you. Keep things in perspective.

Go out and see people

Even if you’re not interested in meeting people on a superficial level, life is full of surprises. Get out, see people. Don’t close yourself off, and stay home, sad and lonely.

Enjoy what life has to offer. Do a team sport or another activity that involves other people. Go on an organized group excursion or choose a youth hostel where you sleep in a dormitory rather than a single room. Increase your opportunities to meet other people and make new friends. Sometimes, all it takes is meeting one person and you’ll feel less alone and sad. Push yourself to meet others but don’t force yourself to make friends at any cost. Enjoy the present moment and all of its potential.

Visit friends and loved ones you haven’t seen in a long time. Change your habits and surroundings. Meet new people. Take the first step and don’t wait for everything to immediately fall into place.

Learn to like being alone

As I said earlier, learn to like being alone. This is the key to happiness, my dear. If you can enjoy being alone and feel good on your own, you’ve won at life.

The problem is that many women think they’re happy only when they have a boyfriend and are in love. But that’s a completely false, even dangerous way to think. The most important thing is, first, to be happy on your own. If you’re waiting for someone to make you happy and help you feel less alone, you’re not doing things right.

You have everything you need to feel happy even when you’re on your own. Go deeper. Think about the woman you really are. Discover what truly makes you happy. Listen to what’s inside you. Don’t let anyone influence or discourage you.

Solitude can be extremely beneficial, but you must believe that and do everything you can to make the most of it.

Keep in mind, too, that some women are in a relationship but feel terribly alone. That’s horrible, isn’t it? So, pull yourself together and think about how fortunate you are.

You’ll be surprised to discover all the positive things that happen when you’re able to be happy with yourself and for yourself. And if you’re looking for love, trust me: you’ll find it if you learn to be happy on your own.

You see, if you feel lonely, there are many ways to stop feeling that way. You should start by identifying and understanding why you feel lonely before going any further. Ask yourself all of the questions that are in your mind and try to answer them in order to move ahead.

Talk to a friend or someone you trust. Motivate yourself, get moving, be active and stay that way. Adopt a dog, cat, or any pet you’d like. Meet people; don’t stay closed in on yourself. And above all, discover the advantages of being on your own. Learn to like and enjoy all of the good things about being alone.

How To Tell The Difference Between Love And Friendship

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the difference between love and friendship

Love and friendship are two very strong feelings that are at once similar and distinctly different from one another.

Maybe you have romantic feelings for your friend or maybe you only feel friendship towards your girlfriend or boyfriend. It’s not easy to be sure when you don’t really know how to tell the difference between the two.

Whether in friendship or in love, feelings are very much present and very strong. You love this person and want to spend time with them and keep a strong connection. But up to what point can you call this friendship, and when is it more a question of love?

How to tell the difference between love and friendship?

If you’re asking yourself this question, it may be because you don’t really know if you feel love or friendship for her or for him.

Here is Why You Feel Lonely – And What to Do About It Right Now

There’s not that big a difference between friendship and love

The idea of friendship is support and a strong bond. Friends have a strong bond and support one another, no matter what. With your friends, you laugh, you cry, you talk, you listen – basically, you do everything you like, together. Each of you trusts and respects the other. When things are going well, or things are going badly, you share that with your friends.

When you come down to it, with love, it’s the same thing. Except you have to add the sexual aspect that isn’t a part of friendship. Two friends aren’t supposed to feel sexual desire towards each other. Two lovers, on the other hand, are. Let’s say that in love, you find all the same codes that you do in friendship, along with sex.

You have to analyze how intense your emotions are. For example, a friend will never take up as much of your thoughts as someone you’re in love with. During the day, you’re not going to think about your friend and say “Oh, I really want to make love with him/her!”

You also have to make note of your behavior, physically speaking. If your heart beats more quickly and you’re suddenly warmer in their presence, you should start asking yourself how you really feel about this person. Clearly if you feel this way, you feel more than friendship towards them.

Also, when you meet up with a friend, you don’t necessarily worry about how you’re dressed or what you look like in general. On the other hand, if you’re meeting up with someone you’re in love with, then you’ll want to look your best and not be haphazardly dressed and put together.

When you think about it, we start questioning friendship between a man and a woman even when we’re teenagers. It’s a legitimate issue because we realize that we get along well with a person of the opposite sex but that sometimes we also want to kiss them on the lips or make love with them. This question can still haunt us as adults. We end up with three possible outcomes:

1. Simply friendship, with no sexual or romantic desire.

Each person is content in this friendship and isn’t looking for anything else. And if one of the two suddenly does start to have feelings that are more romantic than friendship-related, they won’t have a problem discussing it with the other, either to change their relationship to that of lovers, or to clear the air and remain the excellent friends that they already are.

2. A friendship where one of the friends has romantic feelings for the other; these romantic feelings are not reciprocated.

Here, things get more complicated, of course. To the friend who doesn’t have romantic feelings, the friendship seems fantastic and wonderful. On the other hand, for the friend who has the romantic feelings, this unrequited love ends up being a source of suffering. Most of the time, the person who’s in love will not declare their feelings for their friend, so as not to risk losing them. Unfortunately, this person will choose to keep their sentiments silent to maintain a relationship that will never turn into love.

3. The friendship where the friends are in love with each other but won’t admit their feelings, for various reasons.

This will certainly make you think of romantic movies. The two friends won’t admit what they feel and if they’re shy on top of that, they’ll end up growing apart. Or, in the best-case scenario, they’ll dare to tell each other what they feel and will transform their friendship into a true love story, real a Hollywood ending.

Friendship vs. Love: Different signs that can help you recognize and distinguish each one

As was said above, what mainly separates love and friendship is the sexual aspect between the two people. In friendship, there is no sexual desire, whereas in love, there is.

When you’re in love, you want to make plans with each other, move forward together, do everything together. You want to take care of yourself to please the person you love and continue to seduce them.

With friends, you don’t care about leaving the house with messy hair and no makeup on. And the idea of going to bed with your friend makes you laugh more than anything else. (And may even disgust you.)

You’re also certainly less demanding with your friend than you are with the person you’re in love with. For example, take one of them being late or not taking your call…you know what I mean!

So, yes, friendship can be considered a form of love, but again, without the sex and seduction aspect.

Sometimes, you might thing that you have romantic feelings for your friend but in fact, once you try to be lovers, you realize that it was just a passing thing. This can happen, and it’s fine if both people realize it at the same time. That makes for a funny story later on. In any case, it’s best that two people be on the same wavelength. Otherwise, there’s a great risk of suffering and discomfort in your relationship.

So, what about you?

If you’re here, it’s because you’re asking yourself some questions about the true nature of your feelings towards one friend in particular.

It’s good to question things, and it’s even better to be informed so that you can see things more clearly. Rest assured, there’s nothing strange about having doubts regarding your feelings towards someone. Now, the goal is to know what you want and what this other person wants.

You’re the only person who can answer that. Maybe you’ll you accept staying in the friendship/love scenario by keeping your feelings to yourself and suffering in silence.

Maybe you’ll decide to talk to your friend about your feelings and see what happens, risking losing this friend. Maybe you’ll admit your feelings and you’ll see that your friend feels the same way, and your relationship will transform into a romantic one.

Whatever you choose to do, you have to make yourself and your well-being a priority. But you are going to have to choose and act according to the consequences, regardless. Tell yourself that if, unfortunately, your friend doesn’t share your romantic feelings, it may be better to take a certain distance to protect yourself and not to experience suffering that you don’t deserve.

Of course, this doesn’t mean your friend is a bad person — far from it.

You can’t force someone to feel the same things you do. On the other hand, you’ll have to take care of yourself and limit your suffering by taking some distance. There’s no reason to suffer for nothing.

Now, it could also turn out that this period of questioning is just a passing thing and you realize that no, you’re not in love with this person. Whew! What a relief! In this case, no problem, your friendship can continue as if nothing happened, and everyone will be happy and relieved. And then, if you both end up realizing that you’re more than just friends, you’ll be happy that you admitted your feelings to each other.

Life is worth the effort of being lived with some risks, and admitting your feelings to someone is a risk that can be worth taking. It’s up to you to decide if you’re prepared to possibly lose or win this friendship with this person.

To sum it up, to know how to tell the difference between love and friendship, you have to take into account the aspects of seduction and sexual desire. In friendship, these don’t exist. In love, they’re inevitable.

Regardless of the kind of relationship, the feelings should be reciprocal. Otherwise, one of the two people involved will be suffering because they don’t have what they really want.

Don’t be afraid to tell your friend how you feel. If you’ve been friends till now, it’s because you can trust, listen to, and understand each other. The outcome isn’t up to you and no one will force you to do anything that’s not good for you. Always remember to take care of and make the best choices for yourself.

Have you ever fallen in love with a friend? What happened? Tell us about it.

Love at first sight: Fact or fiction? And how to deal with it !

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Does the idea of love at first sight make your eyes roll, or your heart beat? Is love at first sight fact or fiction? How can you deal with it?

Most of the time, it’s an idealized phenomenon inspired by romantic movies, princess stories, and the like. How many people have really felt love at first sight? And if it did happen, did it last? Is it temporary or can it last over time?

There are a lot of questions about love at first sight. It’s an intriguing and fascinating subject in the universe of love. But how can you truly move on from that first moment to a real love story? Let’s discuss.

Here is Why You Feel Lonely – And What to Do About It Right Now

Love at first sight: Fact or Fiction. An honest take.

Interestingly, practically a quarter of all French people, considered to be among the most romantic people in the world, don’t believe in love at first sight. This means that the remaining three fourths are convinced that love at first sight exists.

It even seems that there are symptoms to describe it, like a faster heartbeat, hot flashes, shedding a few drops of sweat…It’s a truly strong emotional state that doesn’t happen every day and that you notice immediately.

For those who are more romantic, love at first sight comes from the heart. However, it’s a scientific thing (yeah, that does sort of ruin the romance of it). In fact, the brain is where it happens, not the heart. The brain is what controls the emotions and sensations that we experience…. The human body is so well-made that it creates what we call “happiness molecules.” In other words, endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin.

That’s a bit less romantic, right? Even so, that doesn’t make the pleasure we feel from them any less, and that’s what counts.

You have to keep in mind that love at first sight is also a question of spontaneity. Basically, a person who corresponds to you genetically is going to seduce you. This seduction will intensify thanks to superficial details, like their clothes or hairstyle, for example. Because there are so many other elements that come into play, love at first sight clearly isn’t something that comes from the heart.

It’s said that it only takes 0.2 seconds to fall in love with someone. The feeling is associated with the euphoric feeling that people get when they snort a rail of cocaine (don’t snort cocaine, this is just a comparison to illustrate the phenomenon and show that the effect doesn’t last, the same way the effects of this drug are temporary). And when it comes to love, we talk about the “seven-year itch,” so….

5 Facts that prove love has nothing to do with love at first sight

1.It’s a Hollywood creation

Naturally, with movies like Titanic, Wicker Park, Love Actually, and many others, we believe in love at first sight. Because it’s like in the movies…. Okay, yeah, it’s a movie. A movie is fiction. There you go. Love at first sight was created by Hollywood.

2. Love grows with time

How can you know in a single glance that there could be a love story here, a real, solid one that lasts? Without knowing anything about someone beyond their physical appearance, it’s a bit hard to believe…. Love grows with time; you have to get to know each other and experience things together to find out if you really could be in love.

3. It’s just a strong attraction

Could love at first sight just be a strong physical attraction and nothing more? Mutual attraction is so spontaneous that it can’t be based on anything besides the physical. Love at first sight happens that way, without warning. But you can’t talk about love without knowing the other person, right?!

4. More than anything else, it’s chemistry

Like I said before, love at first sight is chemistry more than anything else, involving the brain, endorphins, dopamine, oxytocin, and all of that. Nothing romantic about that – it’s all cerebral. But love isn’t in your head, right?

5. It can’t last

Love at first sight is what happens when you first look at someone, but it doesn’t last. It can’t last if it’s based on just that first look. So, okay, love at first sight might exist, but isn’t the same as a real, enduring love, right?

Okay, maybe love at first sight exists, but it’s temporary. They say that love always comes when we’re not expecting it. They also say this about love at first sight (really). Some people expect that they’ll experience love at first sight, while others aren’t even aware it exists. Those who wait for and expect it may be lucky. Why?

Well, if you think about it, there’s a greater chance that if they find love, they won’t act like crazy teenagers who’ll give everything up immediately for their new love. Those who experience love at first sight without expecting it may tend to act more irrationally in order to fully give themselves over to this temporary happiness.

Which way is best: to be aware of love at first sight and be more careful, or not to see it coming and fully give in to it? Everyone has their opinion.

How to deal with love at first sight?

Yes, it can happen, whether it lasts or not. So how to deal with love at first sight when it happens to you?

First, let’s clarify that there are two kinds of love at first sight: mutual and one-sided. Yeah, that changes things.

Mutual love at first sight is obviously the ideal scenario. In this case, love at first sight can be temporary but it could last, if the two people work on and grow their love. It doesn’t just happen like a gift from heaven. The feeling will lose its intensity over time, of course, but that doesn’t mean you can’t use it to create a solid foundation for a lasting love. So, that’s pretty cool!

The secret is not to idealize your partner or your relationship. Idealizing is death for love at first sight and for love in general. By idealizing too much, of course you’ll be disappointed. Everyone has their qualities and their flaws, so you have to learn about and appreciate both in each other. With this in mind, even if you did experience love at first sight, don’t get carried away. Take time to discover and get to know each other, without rushing things.

And then there’s one-sided love at first sight. Here, you have to be careful. You’re completely and deeply under the person’s spell. But it’s not reciprocal. It could possibly become that way, but now, here, in this moment, that’s not the case. So, calm down, don’t lose your cool, and keep your feet firmly on the ground. All’s not lost, far from it, but you’re going to have to hide how you feel or else risk making your possible future partner run away.

Take it slow. Seduce them by putting all the advantages on your side but don’t overdo it. Be yourself, don’t play a role, but try to keep your strong emotions to yourself. Control yourself. If this love at first sight turns into mutual love with time, you’ll be able to express your deepest feelings later. Until that happens, keep them to yourself.

Now, if it seems like everything you’ve tried just hasn’t worked and this love at first sight will never become a mutual love, move on quickly. Don’t linger over what you can’t have. And most importantly, keep your head high. You’ll find your own real love one day.

Whatever the situation, whether it’s mutual love at first sight or not, take some time to breathe and don’t get carried away. Don’t make the mistake of idealizing the situation and this person you like so much. Does your head feel a bit muddled? That’s completely normal.

You either believe in love at first sight, or you don’t. Ultimately, we all have our opinion, based on our experiences. Just because it happened to your friend doesn’t mean that it happened to you, or that it will happen. And just because your friend says it doesn’t exist doesn’t mean that you should think the same way.

If you experience love at first sight, whether your love story lasts or not, enjoy it. Don’t ask too many questions; let things evolve naturally. If it doesn’t last, too bad, at least you had a good love at first sight experience. And if it does continue, all the better – you can congratulate yourself at having experienced love at first sight that became long-term love.

What do you think about love at first sight? Has it ever happened to you? Share your thoughts in the comments.

How To Get Over Emotional Dependency in 4 Easy Steps

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emotional dependency

Before getting to the heart of the matter and finding out the different steps that will help you escape the trap of emotional dependency, it’s important to know what exactly we’re talking about.

I’d like to start with a famous saying: “You can’t lose what you never had.” Keep that in mind, because I’ll come back to it later in this article.

Now, let’s talk about emotional dependency and how to get over it in 4 steps.

What is emotional dependency?

Emotional dependency isn’t only a burden for the emotionally dependent person; it’s truly poison for both of the people who make up a couple.

When a person is emotionally dependent, they end up in a romantic situation that is unbalanced and unquestionably unhealthy. The source of emotional dependency is a profound fear of abandonment. An emotionally dependent person thus finds themself completely emotionally dependent on the other person in their relationship. This other person’s presence or absence will control the behaviors of the dependent person.

Their emotional dependency causes them to be jealous, anxious, possessive, invasive, etc. A bit like alcohol or drug addiction, for example. Essentially, it’s impossible to be calm because everything revolves around the person that they think they love – and I emphasize “think they love” because a healthy love should not normally involve this kind of dependency.

How can you tell if you’re emotionally dependent on someone? What are the signs? How can you rid yourself of emotional dependency? How can you find a healthy balance in your romantic relationship?

I’m going to answer all of these questions through 4 specific, detailed steps.

How Can I Tell If She Likes Me? Here Are All The Signs You Need To Know…

1. Becoming aware of your emotional dependency.

In order to stop being emotionally dependent, you have to first start by being aware of it. You must clearly recognize your emotional dependency, because if you refuse to see the truth for what it is, you won’t be able to get out of this trap.

There are certain unmistakable signs that will let you recognize true emotional dependency, like:

• Always needing to ask someone’s advice before saying or doing something related to your romantic partner.

• Depending on other people in your social circle to take on a certain number of responsibilities, whatever they might be.

• Avoiding and being afraid of fighting with your partner.

• Being afraid of being rejected by your partner.

• Having difficulties taking the initiative and making your plans a reality.

• Constantly seeking approval and support from the people around you (friends, family members, coworkers, etc.).

• Having your mood change according to your partner’s.

• Always wanting to make others happy by adapting yourself to what they like, in order to win their approval.

• Only feeling happy when your romantic partner is present.

• Always feeling that your need for attention and love is unsatisfied.

• Often going to extremes: when things are going well or going badly, or regardless of the situation, really, it’s always the absolute best or the absolute worst.

• Staying with your romantic partner even if you are suffering a great deal.

• Staying with your romantic partner only because you’re afraid to end up alone.

• Wanting to control even the smallest actions of your romantic partner.

• Making your romantic partner the focus of your attention and your life.

Although these numerous signs should be sufficient in helping you recognize an emotional dependency, it isn’t always obvious to see something as it is when you’re affected by it. Plus, even when an emotionally dependent person’s friends try to sound the alarm, they will often deny or find excuses, rather than admitting they have a problem.

When you’re very attached to another person, constantly need assurance and proofs of love, when you always want more and only feel happy if your partner feels that way, too, you are clearly emotionally dependent.

If this describes you, in order to heal from emotional dependency, you have to re-center your focus to yourself rather than continuing to spend all of your time and energy on your romantic partner.

2. Shifting focus onto yourself

In order to break free from emotional dependency, your priority is to shift your focus onto yourself.
It is vital to stop focusing on your romantic partner because that is where the dependency started.

The goal is to understand how to channel your emotions without necessarily expecting someone else to help, whether your romantic partner or someone you know, like family members or friends, for example.

Focusing on yourself can be done in several ways, like getting involved in activities that are just for you (exercise or artistic activities, for example).

You could also see and spend time with friends without your romantic partner or even go out by yourself, with the idea of making yourself happy and to meet other people so that you can step outside your usual social circles and also not be tempted to spend time talking about your romantic partner when they’re not around.

The goal is to feel good about yourself so that you can have a healthy romantic relationship, rather than an emotionally dependent one. This means you have to be able to love life, yourself — not through the acts and gestures of another person.

Focusing on yourself will let you get to know and understand more about who you are. This is essential for finding balance first within yourself and then with your romantic partner. By being emotionally dependent on someone, it’s impossible to know yourself and thus to assert yourself and let your true personality shine.

By trying out new activities or new hobbies or foods and more, you’ll discover how you react in certain situations. Adding a touch of novelty and freshness to the things we’ve been familiar with for a while – there’s a great way to focus on yourself and make yourself happy.

The idea here is to be as busy as possible doing things for yourself so that you won’t worry about the time that’s going by and feel tempted to take refuge with your romantic partner. Doing things for yourself also lets you open up towards others rather than staying in your typical routine and only focusing on your partner.

3. A positive state of mind

A positive state of mind is also an essential part of the process of healing from emotional dependency. When you come down to it, the positive attracts the positive, so when you put yourself into such a mindset, the consequences and results have an excellent chance of being positive, too.

You could start by trying to replace negative statements with positive ones, as much as possible. For example, instead of saying “I don’t like coffee,” say “I prefer tea.”

When talking or thinking about yourself, instead of saying “I don’t like my thighs,” you could say, “I love the shape of my mouth.”

You have to concentrate on everything that’s positive, everything that makes you happy. This will also teach you to like those little flaws that have been tormenting you.

Make a serious attempt to remove negative statements from your vocabulary. You’ll see – at first, you’ll have to take some time to stop and think in order to make your affirmative phrase, but this is normal, and with practice, it will become automatic.

Believe me, you’ll notice a difference and you’ll even smile the moment you do.

After all, why focus on the negative when there are so many positive things you’ve given priority to instead?

If you’re talking to someone who says, “I love Brussels sprouts”, which you hate, instead of saying something like “Oh no, I don’t like them at all, they’re disgusting” – which will put you and the person you’re talking to in a negative dynamic – choose instead to say something like “Well, to be honest, I prefer cabbage, especially cauliflower.”

Not only will you be using an affirmative reply to express your preference; you’ll also keep things in a generally positive dynamic because the person you’re talking to made an affirmative statement that makes them happy and you responded in the same way.

You’ll even have avoided risking making them annoyed by insisting that you hate Brussels sprouts (that said, everyone has their preferences).

Of course, you can certainly make negative statements, but the important thing to remember is to use them as little as possible and to replace them as often as possible by an affirmative statement, to keep things in a positive state – which will, on top of all that, probably be contagious.

Your positive state of mind will have a direct, positive impact on the people around you and will do some good for everyone, yourself included. That’s exactly why you should work on having a positive state of mind.

4. Taking some distance

Taking distance works for two scenarios: the first, physically being distant from your romantic partner in order to prioritize taking care of yourself.

The second is taking distance emotionally in order not to constantly refer to others or to your romantic partner once emotions are involved.

By taking physical and emotional distance, you will maximize your chances of escaping from emotional dependency. This will require some effort but believe me, it’s for the best. You’ll feel a lot better and a lot more confident when you stop being emotionally dependent on someone else.

When I told you at the beginning of this article that you can’t lose what you never had, that was directly tied to emotional dependency, and I hope that if you’ve read this far, you understand the connection.

When you’re emotionally dependent on someone, your deep fear of losing that person paralyses you.

But in love, and in life, more generally speaking, no one belongs to anyone. Your romantic partner does not belong to you and thus you must absolutely be able to leave behind the mindset that tells you otherwise, and that you would be so afraid to lose them.

This constant fear of abandonment will make itself felt by your partner in a massive way and he or she will feel oppressed and will want to leave, rather than stay with you and feel suffocated. Remember this.

As for you, you’re constantly suffering because of your emotional dependency, so rise up and chase it away.

How to ask her to be your friend with benefits

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ask her to be friends with benefits

When it comes to asking a girl to be friends with benefits rather than having a serious relationship, it’s not always easy to find the right words that won’t make you seem sex-crazed or an asshole.

So, how can you ask someone if they want to be your friend with benefits? In this article, I’ll show you how to ask for what you want, the right way.

A lot more girls are interested in a friendship with benefits than you might think. It depends on the girl you’re asking, but don’t worry — not all of them are looking for an exclusive, committed relationship. So, don’t make generalizations and keep in mind that there are some ladies who are up for a friendship with benefits.

READ: How To Tell The Difference Between Love And Friendship

Honesty and respect above all

Of course, you’re going to have to be honest and respectful. There’s no use in promising a girl that you’ll be faithful and that you want a serious relationship with her if that’s not what you really want. Be honest – this way, if the two of you don’t want the same thing, you’ll avoid wasting your time and wasting hers.

Know how to tell her why you don’t want a serious relationship and avoid saying “Because I want to have fun and have sex with lots of girls!” Tell her the truth or something close to it if you’re private about your feelings or shy because of the wounds of past relationships.

Tell her straightaway that the idea is to have a good time together without taking things any further (i.e. a serious, exclusive relationship).

Also, always be respectful. There is absolutely no shame in wanting to be friends with benefits and nothing more, as long as both partners agree to it and respect each other.

Keep in mind that even if this girl isn’t the girl of your dreams, she has a heart and feelings and you shouldn’t toy with those. The goal of a friendship with benefits is to make each other feel good while maintaining respect for one another.

Never be disrespectful towards a girl just because you only want to have a relationship with her based on sex. Think of how you would feel if the girl of your dreams was completely blocked, even traumatized, by men who had disrespected her in the past.

So, be honest and respectful.

What kind of girl can I ask to be a friend with benefits?

As I said in the introduction, not all girls are opposed to a friendship with benefits. But others aren’t into it at all.

If you know that a girl you’re talking to is looking for a stable, serious relationship, you can forget about asking her to be a friend with benefits. Don’t try to change her mind; you’ll just be wasting your time and hers. Change your target and focus on girls who are open to the idea.

Don’t worry, you’ll know pretty quickly if the girl you’re talking to is looking for an exclusive relationship or if she wants to have fun just as much as you do.

Still, some girls need to be guided a little more than others. Some really want to have a friendship with benefits but don’t feel confident enough to accept this about themselves, much less ask for such a thing. It’s up to you to gently bring up the subject.

Certainly never force a girl into a friendship with benefits if she doesn’t want one. Never force a girl to do anything, for that matter. You wouldn’t want to be forced to do something you don’t want to, either.

A friendship with benefits is good if it’s based on mutual consent.

You might also be surprised to meet a girl who asks you if you want to be friends with benefits. Yes, this can happen! It’s rare, but it does exist. Some girls are completely comfortable with this idea and don’t hide it. That doesn’t make them sluts; they just accept what they want and have confidence in themselves.

It’s simple: you can ask a girl to be friends with benefits if she’s not looking for a serious relationship.

Beware of a girl who might accept a friendship with benefits with the idea of changing your mind and ending up in a relationship. In this case, even if the sex is great, I advise you to stop seeing her because she’ll get more and more attached to you and will suffer because you don’t feel the same way. This will result in a lot of drama, which is what you were trying to avoid with a friendship with benefits.

In any friends with benefits situation, from time to time you should say how much you appreciate that what you both have together is drama-free and that you’re happy she’s on the same wavelength about it. At the very least, this will keep things in check. And if she doesn’t show any signs of attachment and also seems happy that you’re friends with benefits, you know you don’t have to worry.

When should you suggest being friends with benefits?

I’d like to tell you that the ideal time for suggesting you and a girl be friends with benefits is when it feels right. It goes without saying that it would be awkward and disrespectful to bring it up without having talked a bit beforehand.
That said, there is a difference between meeting someone online, and a real, physical encounter. That’s why I’m going to discuss each situation separately.

• If you meet online:

You got matched with a girl on Tinder, Happn, Once, or another dating site or app. There’s a good vibe between you, so you exchanged numbers in order to continue the conversation by text message. From this point, there are two possible scenarios. Either your exchanges have stayed “basic” and you haven’t talked about sex at all, or you’ve already talked about sex, even said you’re attracted to each other.
In the first case, you should test if the idea of a friendship with benefits would work during your first real-life date. In the second, you already know that it’s okay, so you both only need to confirm that you’re both on board before getting things started.

• If you meet in real life:

There’s not too much of a difference here, except for the fact that everything is going to happen in “the real world”. You should try to seduce her in a way that makes your intentions clear. If she responds positively, that’s a good sign, and you’ll only need to say that you’re interested in a friendship with benefits. If she doesn’t respond positively to your advances, let it go — she’s not interested or maybe she wants something serious, so there’s no point in laboring the point.

Okay, so how do I ask a girl to be friends with benefits?

When it comes to asking a girl if she wants to be friends with benefits, there are several options. As I’ve said, you must always be honest and respectful. With this in mind, you can put your suggestion into words. Here are some phrases to give you a little help:

– “I’m going to be honest with you: I’m not looking for a serious relationship. I think you’re really attractive, but I only want to have a good time together, if you’re okay with that.”

– “I was really hurt in my last relationship and I’m not ready to have another one. But since we get along and are attracted to each other, we could have some fun together. What do you think?’

– “I want to be honest and respectful, so I won’t lie and make you think I’m looking for a serious relationship. I just want to have fun with you, without any drama or commitment. What do you think?”

So, do you see how to bring up the question? It’s especially important to ask her opinion. Don’t impose your point of view without asking how she feels about it.

And never tell a girl, “I just want a friendship with benefits.” It’s true that my examples are saying that in a polite, nice way. But that’s the point: You should always ask politely and respectfully. Being honest doesn’t mean being an oaf with no class.

The girl you’re talking to isn’t an object, and certainly not your sexual object. She’s a human being, like you, who should be treated with respect.

Remember that things will be a lot better and a lot easier once you know you both want the same thing.

Establish clear rules

A friend with benefits isn’t your girlfriend. So that means your dates are purely sexual. There’s no point in going to the movies or a restaurant, or hanging out with each other’s friends. In that case, you’d be in the “couples” category.

Nothing is keeping you from watching a movie at your place or hers, getting food delivered, or having interesting conversations and sharing a good laugh. But a friendship with benefits is still a friendship with benefits, and both of you have to be clear about that, so that neither of you starts to think it might be something more or wants to change the friendship with benefits into a relationship.

So, if one of you has to spend the night at the other’s place, try not to linger too much the next morning. Stick to your friendship with benefits agreement in order to keep things simple and drama-free.

Oh, and one very important thing: if you have other friends with benefits, you’re not obligated to tell her. That said, always use protection. Respect also means using a condom, which will keep both of you out of trouble.

If she asks if you’re sleeping with other girls, be honest. If you are, tell her, because maybe she’s getting attached to you and this can help her keep some distance. If you’re only seeing her, tell her that, as well, but be sure to specify that you’re friends with benefits and that you’re not interested in anything more.

Read Next: How Can I Tell If She Likes Me? Here Are All The Signs You Need To Know…