Another E-mail From Christian :
Hey :
How do you see the world?
Is it out to get you?
Is it constantly presenting challenges?
Or is it there for you to play with?
The way you see the world dramatically affects the way you interact
with it. And the first step towards building Unbreakable game is
to develop an Unbreakable frame.
This is a concept that you'll learn about in considerable depth on
the DVD. But let me give you an example, and some tips on how to
put it into practice.
There is an old concept in psychology... let's call it the "who is
ok?" frame.
So you walk up to a woman, and your tone, body language, and words
communicate one of four things:
I'm not ok, you're ok: This comes across as nervousness,
apprehension, and general "vibe sucking," where the girl is having
fun, and the guy is not sure whether he's allowed to be having fun
or not. Another way of thinking about this one is "are we ok?"
where you're looking for her acceptance.
I'm not ok, you're not ok: This feels similar to a woman, but in
this case, the guy assumes that the woman is also down. If you've
ever tried to gain rapport with a woman with something like "man,
this place sucks, huh?", this is your frame.
I'm ok, you're not ok: This come across as arrogance. It is the
right frame to use to "amog" a guy, but usually not the right frame
to use to approach a woman.
I'm ok, you're ok: This comes across as warmth, confidence, and
maybe even playfulness. It assumes that you're doing great, and
that she is too.
Intuitively, I'm sure this makes sense to you. But when you're
talking to women... well that can be another story entirely.
You may know that one of the services we offer our clients is to
record their conversations with women, then analyze them. And one
of the things that we FREQUENTLY hear is something like the
following... with the frame/vibe of the interaction in parentheses.
Guy: "Hey, what's up" (I'm ok, you're ok)
Girl: "Hey, what's up!" (I'm ok, you're ok)
Guy: "How's your night going?" (are we ok?)
Girl: "Goood..." (I'm ok, you're not ok)
It is AMAZING.
Literally, within the first four lines of the conversation, the
guy's confidence and frame have been broken.
And here's the craziest part... it has NOTHING to do with the woman.
Notice: her initial response is good. This guy comes along, and
seems fun, so she responds in kind.
But then he stumbles. "Wait," he tells himself. "She's talking to
me! I better say something. Uh oh, what do I say? I'll just ask
her how her night is. I hope that's not a lame question. Wait,
its kind of a lame question. Uh oh... but I have to say something."
And out it comes: "How's your night going?"
But the way he asks his next question... in his tone, in the way he
makes his eye contact, and in his head... indicated that he is NOT
OK.
In fact, he's wondering: are we ok?
And the moment that he starts to feel that way, she's going to
sense it, and all of a sudden, she realizes that he is definitely
NOT OK.
Now, things like drunkenness, physical appearance, and other
factors can influence how quickly a girl picks up on the guy's vibe.
But in general, a guy who is NOT ok will lose a woman quickly.
So what to do instead? Become OK.
In fact, ASSUME that everyone is OK.
Crack a little joke. Smile a little more. Settle down and relax.
And assume that the two of you are having a great night, and that
your nights just got better because you got introduced to each other.
The moment that you BELIEVE that you're ok and that she's ok...
well, it changes the whole dynamic of the conversation.
But how to do this?
You'll just have to wait for Unbreakable.
We'll answer this question specifically - how to become comfortably
OK.
As for now... think about how this concept plays out in your
interactions with women, and how - just by assuming that you ARE ok
- it can change everything.
