“I think that you’re playing a role that doesn’t suit you. I’m sorry, but we’ll have to call it quits tonight. I enjoyed spending time with you, thanks for everything, but I have to go…”
I recently told a girl…
How ? Why ? When ?
A little flashback…
It was Saturday June 12, 2010. The place: Warsaw, Poland.
You undoubtedly know already that I currently live in Berlin, in Germany.
Berlin is a superb and very fashionable city, with an extremely diversified socio-cultural environment that makes it seem like a small version of the whole world brought together in single unified place: here you meet every nationality and every culture.
You also know that last year I was in Poland, in Warsaw and Krakow (here’s a scoop : next year I’m leaving for Sweden), and I had the best time of my entire life!
That said, and given that Warsaw isn’t very far from Berlin, I offer myself the luxury of going there to spend my weekends, to spend time with all my friends (and my former conquests?) and enjoy a change scenery and pace (I work for a telecommunications firm, and it’s not always fun.)
But lately I’ve discovered another reason to add to my motivations: a girl. For the purposes of this article, let’s call her “Katia.”
Katia was THE very first Polish girl who managed to get my attention in a serious way, unlike all the others I had met. I don’t mean to say that Polish girls are easy, far from it, but you could say that Katia was kind of special.
I had met her the year before in a very unusual context: my last day in Poland. We met, talked, shared, danced, and had fun together… It was a lovely little encounter, with a girl who was pretty, intelligent, sociable, and very classy, which is what I like.
I left Poland feeling a little bit sad (which is to be expected, considering the principle of scarcity), and I told myself that if I could only manage to stay one week longer, even if it meant paying for a hotel room and burning some extra vacation days, it would be great!
But I took the flight out anyway.
When I got home, I found a friend request on my Facebook account. It was Katia. Nice!
That was the beginning, incredibly, of a year of exchanges on Facebook! Before we even met for a second time!
During the whole year we wrote each other nearly every week. We sent each other messages about everything and nothing, just for the simple pleasure of the exchange… It wasn’t boring, and every message served to bring us closer and closer together.
Just one small note for the romantic types: no, we didn’t have a “long distance” love affair. You know that I’m not a fan of that kind of nonsense…
By now you’re probably wondering what we could have been talking to each other about for an ENTIRE year.
It’s true that it was a bit long as delays go, but let me repeat, we took a lot of pleasure in sharing everything that was happening in our lives.
Especially mine.
You see, it’s now been 2 years (if I’m not mistaken) since I officially admitted that I am the editor of a blog about seduction. Above all since the publication in France of my last book: Seduction: A How-To Guide for Her.
When people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them: “I help men and women find their direction and create a lifestyle.”
Previously, out of fear of spoiling my chances with women, I carefully kept this fact secret to myself. I never spoke about my sites, and I never brought up the subject of seduction…
With the passage of time, I began to realize that this was a “cowardly” attitude on my part. By trying to fly beneath the radar, I was only managing to… lie! To myself, and to everyone in my social circle.
And it was precisely for that reason that I decided to stop acting that way: I began to admit who I was.
And without falling into the trap of cheap arrogance, I can say I’ve had a great deal of success since that moment. People are always excited to speak and interact with me, and they are frequently impressed.
But…
That was not the case with our friend Katia.
Maybe I forgot to mention it, but Katia is a very, VERY beautiful girl. And she obviously knows it.
On her Facebook account, you can see comments left all day long by airheads from the Catholic Family League, who spew all sorts of nonsense that you would never dream of uttering: they compliment her, idolize her, even deify her.
And so it’s quite predictable when you see her ego puffing up day after day (seriously, what I see on her Facebook page is unbelievable!)
Which brings us to an important point in our article: Katia defined herself, just as I do, as a Player.
She really enjoyed telling me that she could bring any man in the world to his knees.
She could afford the luxury of telling me that she played with men and led them around by the nose.
And she loved the fact that she was nothing more than… a tease!
I was surprised to hear such declarations coming from a woman who, at the beginning, seemed like such a sweet and adorable princess.
When I told her that I was the editor of a blog about dating, and that I’d been working in this wonderful world for several years, that I work with clients (net coaching), and that I write books, etc… She naturally stuck the label “seducer” on my forehead.
And it’s at this point that things began to get complicated.
In fact, an entire year went by and I found myself living in Berlin. Two months later, I decided to penetrate this mystery and to go meet, at last, the famous Katia in Warsaw.
So I sent a little message on Facebook in which I mentioned that I was coming for the weekend, no surprises, and she agreed (with delight) to meet me.
And once again, we had a wonderful time together. We had fun, we laughed, and we teased each other… the good life!
Little by little, the tension rose during our encounter.
As we got more comfortable together and established a solid connection, there was seduction in the air!
In order to move to the next level of flirting, I tried to kiss her… and she pulled away!
Without getting mean, I smiled and said, “I can tell you really like to play…” and carried on with my plan… (movie, negging, flirting, etc.)
Believe me guys; I had to give it everything I had. It was the first time, after all these years, that I found myself obliged to bring out THE big game for a girl!
The outcome of the contest was that she gave in… or almost!
You see, even with my limited experience, I know exactly when a girl is interested, and when she’s not. When it came to Katia, I could clearly see in her eyes that I interested her, but one thing still wasn’t quite right here…
She didn’t really want to give in. Worse still, she wanted to defeat the so-called seduction artist that I am. She took a wicked delight in resisting temptation… in resisting ME.
She made up her mind to bring out HER big game. Which in the final account led to a true war of seduction between the two of us: we entered into a vicious circle that led… nowhere.
• She made up her mind to play the “bitch”
• She pretended to be someone else.
• She acted strangely.
• She played a role.
Now let me explain the problem in the story…
Seduction is a game in which TWO players have to participate. Even if you are the most talented seduction artist on the planet, you will never seduce a woman if she doesn’t play the game with you.
You cannot move on to the next step in a game of seduction if your target doesn’t react. So obviously your role as a seduction artist is to MAKE her participate in the marvelous game known as seduction. And that is precisely where the beauty of the thing resides.
But with Katia, I encountered a pointless and stupid resistance.
Because here is the secret that I was able to uncover about her…
Katia is the kind of girl who likes to give a (false!) impression on the outside, the image of a solid, strong, and indestructible woman who’s like a lion… while on the inside, she’s really a very gentle, sweet, quiet, and fragile girl who’s like a butterfly.
Why create such a big mess?
Why did she overplay a role that didn’t suit her to begin with?
Why resist pointlessly?
Contrary to what everyone thinks, you should know that the beauty of seduction is not all about sleeping with a girl and moving on to the next one… the beauty of the game lies in the WHOLE process that leads to the final step. For example, you come across a girl who is extremely unyielding, you seduce her, you unlock her, she willingly enters the game, and then the celebration truly gets underway.
You have fun, you have a good time, and you even learn something!
But unfortunately our friend Katia had ruined everything: she destroyed the charm of seduction.
Even if I clearly saw in her eyes that she wanted to be seduced, she fought against herself to keep from breaking out of the role she was playing… and after a while, I became utterly bored.
It’s true that at the beginning, I found her resistance exciting and interesting, and it made me bring out the famous big game, but to my great surprise, she continued stupidly to resist.
What point is there in seducing a girl who creates this kind of drama and who turns out to bore me in the end?
By this point she had richly earned a super Neg:
“Listen Katia, I know what kind of girl you are. I know very well that right now you are playing a little game that, quite honestly, bores me to death. At the beginning, I thought that you were an interesting girl with whom I would never be bored, but now, seriously, I am spending one of the worst evenings that I’ve ever had in Poland. And yet I know that I am with a beautiful and classy girl. Maybe you made a bet with your friends that you could seduce the seduction artist, and maybe you’re used to people kissing your ass, but personally I’m different and I will never do it… I think that you’re playing a role that doesn’t suit you. I’m sorry, but we’ll have to call it quits tonight. I enjoyed spending time with you, thanks for everything, but I have to go…”
After this declaration, our friend was completely off balance.
And above all… disarmed.
She began to panic. No one had ever said anything like that to her in her life, so she started chasing after me.
But…
It was too late. I had lost all interest.
She stupidly killed the charm of the seduction.
The moral of the story
Let me repeat : the beauty of seduction lies in the game that leads you to the final step which YOU envision (whether this means getting a number, going on a date, sleeping with someone, etc.)
During this process, you MUST have fun and take advantage of every moment that you spend with your target. If you are dealing with a girl who is beautiful but not very bright, as in my case, do NOT waste your time with her, and move on to something much more interesting.
We have gotten involved in this wonderful world of seduction with the goal of learning, moving forward, and growing. We are NOT here for boring little girls to ruin our lives. We are the PRIZE, and women have the honor and the privilege to speak with men of our caliber. The woman who can disturb and oppose our progress has yet to be born…
Your friend,
Kamal
She Killed The Charm Of Seduction,